Through It All
by Jaycat
Summary: Set in the year 2011. Revisiting her childhood home in the sleepy little Stars Hollow, Rory Gilmore realizes that even though she has exactly what she set her life out for… it’s not what she always wanted. LL, Narco.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: ...Heh, must the first thing out of my mouth be this stupid thing? Alright... I don't own them...**

**Author's note: Okay, so remember how I left these stupid little notes in EP and on my profile page, saying I started up a new project and I wanted to see where it took me before I posted it? Well, I've decided that I like where it's going, and it's time to post it and get feedback. Again, this is a Narco (like the summary says), so I hope I have all the same reviewers from EP reading this one, too. So, without further ado...**

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Chapter 1

The drive was long and arduous. She got lost three times along the way, managing once to turn herself around completely. She thought it was ridiculous, and if she mentioned the trip to her mother, Lorelai would simply laugh at her. She'd traveled the same road numerous times, during her annual trips to visit on the holidays. So why now, was it so hard for Rory to find her way back to Stars Hollow?

Three years. It had been three years since she'd traveled to that sleepy little town. After Lucas, Lorelai and Luke's now three year old son, was born, she had found herself slowly pushing her face out of the family portrait. She was Lorelai Gilmore's daughter, always and forever. But Lorelai Gilmore was now Lorelai Gilmore-Danes. And as much of a father as Luke had been to her over the years, he still wasn't blood. No, now they had little Lucas - part Lorelai and part Luke.

Instead, Rory busied herself with her journalist career. She was a reporter with the Big Apple News, a small paper owned in part by the New York Times. After her graduation from Yale, and after she and Logan Huntzberger had called off their short lived engagement, she'd buried herself in finding a good job to support herself. The Big Apple News was the first to accept her application, and she moved to New York City right away. The only problem was that it wasn't a hop, skip, and jump away from Stars Hollow and her best friend - her mother. At first, she'd take the train into Stars Hollow every Friday night and stay with her mother and Luke through the weekend, leaving Sunday night. As the days, weeks, and months passed, her usual weekend trips lessened from every week to every other week to once a month to a couple weekends in the year. Eventually, Rory made it only a point to spend the holidays in Stars Hollow. But by the time Lucas was born, Rory was too busy to leave the paper for even a few days… or so she told herself.

Rory turned onto the familiar street.

With the arrival of summer, Rory had decided to take three weeks off. Well, it was either that or drown on the fumes of the newly painted office space her paper was situated in. Her boss, Mr. Hurschmeyer, had given everyone three weeks full pay and leave to get them all out of the office while it was being renovated. Rory, who was in the process of starting to write a book, took the order with relief. However, after spending the weekend alone in her apartment, and after momentarily speaking with her mother about the major traffic jam of Stars Hollow (which involved three cars, a horse drawn carriage, a scooter, and two bicyclists), Rory decided that it was time to return home. With a squeal and a suspiciously sounding thud from someone falling off of something, Lorelai had welcomed the request with opened arms.

So you can imagine Rory's surprise when she pulled into the drive of her old house - the one Lorelai refused to give up under any circumstance - and saw that both Lorelai's car and Luke's truck were gone. No one was home.

"How strange," Rory muttered. She had thought her mother was happy she was coming home, and figured Lorelai would be sitting on pins and needles waiting her arrival. She shrugged and jumped out of her car. Knowing exactly where to find her mother, or at least her step-father, she headed down the street to Luke's Diner.

The bell jingled as she stepped inside. The familiar smell of coffee, grease, and small town gossip greeted Rory's nose as she stepped up to the counter and took a seat. Luke was standing just down the way, his attention caught by a customer. After scribbling down the order on his pad of paper, and passing it through the order window to Caesar, Luke turned around and came face to face with Rory.

"Hey," she replied with a sly smile.

"Rory!" Luke smiled, somewhat surprised, then turned to the clock on the wall. "5:30 already?"

"Yep. I see you and Mom forgot."

Luke looked a little ashamed.

Rory shook her head and held up her hand. "That's alright. I got lost on the way here, actually."

"Don't tell your mother - she'll have a field day with that one."

"I know. Any idea where she is?" Rory asked. "I figured she'd be here getting her early evening coffee fix."

Luke clicked his tongue and leaned forward, a grin and a glint in his eyes as he replied, "She's not allowed coffee for a few months."

"She's pregnant again, isn't she?" Rory asked knowingly, a bit upset and a bit happy at the same time. Maybe it was the time away from her home that had her feeling like an outcast to her family; maybe if she spent some time here she'd start to feel like a part of it again.

"I didn't tell," Luke said with a finger pressed to his lips. He straightened up and wiped his hands on a towel. "So, how's about a cup of coffee and some french fries for my beautiful step-daughter? On the house, of course."

"Just coffee would be nice," Rory replied and Luke turned around to fill a cup.

"Lucky you," came a voice from beside Rory.

She turned to see her mother sitting down, a fake pout on her lips that turned into a huge smile when Rory reached over and hugged her.

"Wow, kiddo, I missed you too!"

"She knows," Luke said, turning back around and handing Rory a cup of coffee.

Lorelai stared at the cup with longing eyes. She batted her lashes flirtatiously at her husband, but Luke merely snorted and moved down the counter to help another customer. She sighed and turned back to Rory. "Just a sip, Rore. It won't do anything to the baby, really," she said in a small voice, in an attempt to hide it from Luke. She reached out her hand to take the cup, but Rory batted it away.

"No," she stated, taking a sip. She eyed her mother then, taking in her appearance. "How far along, anyway?"

"Two months," Lorelai grumbled. "Two very long months."

Luke moved back up the counter and eyed his wife. "Lorelai, where's Lucas?" he asked, although he knew the answer already.

Lorelai waved her hand about dismissively. "I forgot to pick him up." Noting the incredulous look Luke sent her, she added with an overly-dramatic sigh, "I was too tired to walk all the way over there and back here. Maybe if I had some coffee…"

"No coffee," Luke said, throwing his index finger out in an accusing manner.

"I could go get him, if you want," Rory offered. She took another sip of the coffee and turned to Luke. "I haven't spent much time with the little guy."

Luke looked at Lorelai, whose eyes were still settled on the cup of coffee Rory had abandoned. Luke pulled it away and nodded. "Thanks, Rory. Here's the address," he said, scribbling down the address on a napkin and passing it to Rory.

Rory smiled, grabbed her purse, and left.

Rory reached up and knocked the knocker against the oak door. The house was in the new section of the town. It was fairly simple compared to the other lots, and smaller than the colonial styled houses down the way.

"Rory?" the voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Rory looked up to see a young woman with strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes staring back at her from the door. Before she had time to put a name to the face, the woman's arms had wrapped around her in a huge hug.

"I haven't seen you in forever! Wow, what a surprise!" the woman gushed.

"Uh," Rory stumbled on words as they pulled apart. The face was so familiar, but she was at a loss with names.

Knowingly, the woman put her hands on her hips and tilted her head to the side. "You don't remember me, do you?" Before Rory could respond, she shrugged, "Well, that's alright. It's been something like - what? - six years?" She re-introduced herself, "Clara Forrester."

The name clicked instantly and Rory felt stupid. "Oh!" she exclaimed, letting go a small, nervous laugh she'd gotten stuck in her throat. "I'm so sorry, Clara! I've been so busy and I haven't come home for a while," she tried to explain, but stopped at Clara's smile. She offered a mirrored grin and started over, "I'm sorry. I've missed you a lot too."

"Well come on in," Clara said, moving away from the door to allow Rory to enter.

The house was very clean inside, with the exceptions of a few toys strewn about the living room and a couple dolls and a roller-skate on the stairs. Rory walked into the living room and turned around to meet Clara's gaze.

"I watch a couple kids for some extra cash," Clara explained. "I'm taking classes at Hartford Community, so I figured what better a way to make money and study at the same time?"

"Do you live here alone?" Rory asked. Granted the house wasn't that nice, but it was obviously new, and obviously over-budget for a young college student babysitting to earn cash.

"No," Clara replied, shifting a little uncomfortably. She shifted her gaze to the floor, whether out of shame, Rory wasn't really sure. "My mom's job got transferred back to Chicago, and I didn't want to leave all of my friends behind. So, they left and I stayed."

"Just like that? But who're you living with?"

Clara's eyes lifted briefly to meet Rory's, and the answer was in her gaze. Dean. Clara lived with Dean, her brother… Rory's old boyfriend. '_My Dean_,' chirped the incessant voice in Rory's head.

"He didn't want to leave either," Clara said. She looked around the room, admiring it with a weird glint in her eye. "He built this house, you know? That's why it's so different from all the other houses. He'd made a deal with Tom, the contractor - our bills are lower because this house isn't as big as the others they built."

Rory sighed and forced a smile. "Where is he?"

"In Hartford restocking on supplies for Tom."

"Oh," Rory replied. She shifted on her feet uncomfortably, looking for a way to change the topic. She didn't really want to spend her visit in Stars Hollow thinking about the man she'd once loved like no other, who had broken up with her because he didn't feel like he fit in her world. Different pages, different sides of the track. It was the same argument she'd had with her mother once - how she'd changed and molded herself into this lifestyle of world class, fancy dinner parties, country clubs, and the typical DAR meetings - a life Lorelai had tried to shield her from, almost as though she knew her daughter would fit in so nicely with that crowd.

As that feeling of guilt overcame her, Rory was relieved to hear Clara change the subject, but the guilt still lingered.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came by to pick up Lucas for my mom and Luke," Rory said.

Clara nodded and held up her hand, leaving the room momentarily. She returned with a little boy nestled against her shoulder and a Bob the Builder backpack slung over her shoulder. She handed the sleeping boy to Rory, and he stirred but slept through the transfer, then handed the back pack to Rory.

"He's been out for a half-hour," Clara stated, rubbing the little boy's back gently. "As infamous as your mom's hyper-activity can be, I swear he's going to be just like her. Good news to Luke's ears, huh?" she laughed.

Rory laughed also. She headed toward the door and gently pulled it open.

"Rory," Clara called before Rory had stepped off the porch.

Rory stopped and swung around.

"I know you and my brother have a troubled past, but I'd like it if we could still be friends," she said in a hopeful voice. She added with a smirk, "You always were my favorite out of his girlfriends."

Rory nodded with a smile. "Thanks, Clara. And I'd like to be friends too." With that, Rory made the trek back to the diner where she knew her mother and Luke were waiting.

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**AN**: So how was it? If you like, leave me a review. I turned on anonymous reviews to, so you don't even need an account to leave me a message, isn't that simple? Heh. I know Dean wasn't really in this chapter, but he makes an appearance in the next chapter, and he's definitely in the third, so the action isn't really going to start until the third chapter. Sorry that it's mostly expository/explanation set-ups till then.

**As always, Read&Review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Believe me, if I owned them - any part of them or the actors that play them (especially "Dean"/Jared, heh) - you all would be the first to know...**

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**Chapter 2**

"You are as lazy as your mother," Luke muttered from his position in front of the stove.

Rory glared through half shut eyes at him. It was a Saturday, and therefore she had every right to be lazy. Besides, it was her vacation. She'd spent months on article after article and she finally had some time off.

"Shouldn't you be at the diner?" Rory asked offhandedly.

Luke turned to look at her, that humorous glint in his eye. She grinned smugly at him.

"Just like your mother, I swear."

"I hear Lucas is taking after her, too."

Luke poured the pancakes onto a plate and set them in the center of the table. He put a small one on a plate and placed it in front of Lucas, who looked at him with big, expectant blue eyes. Luke sighed and created a smiley face on the pancake out of a piece of bacon and a sliced strawberry. Lucas happily snatched up the bacon and began munching on it.

"Too much like your mother, the both of you," Luke said.

Rory laughed.

There was a silence among them as they each chewed on their food. Lucas managed to drop his sippy cup full of orange juice, the impact causing it to open and spill over the floor. Luke grabbed a towel and sopped up the mess while Rory dried off the splatter that managed to hit her leg.

Finally, Rory turned to Luke as he sat back down and asked, "Where is she anyway?"

"Well, she mentioned something about a meeting at the inn, so I'm guessing she's there."

"Really? She usually doesn't get out of bed before noon on Saturdays."

Luke shrugged and cleared off the last of the banana he had on his plate, offering a small piece to Lucas who took it eagerly. He rolled his eyes, ruffled the young boy's hair, and stood, clearing his and Rory's dishes from the table. "I've got to get to the diner," he said, wiping his hands on a towel.

"I can take care of Lucas," Rory offered.

Luke looked a little skeptic, but shrugged and headed toward the door. "Alright, but if you want to have some time alone, you can take him to Sookie's to play with Davey and Martha, or you can drop him at the babysitters' - she's always free on Saturdays, just not Sundays. I'll advise you not to take him to the inn, because he tends to get carried away with his mother, and he tends to disappear when I keep him at the diner, so…"

"Sookie or the sitter, good," Rory said obediently. "Inn or the diner, bad."

"Thanks, Rory," Luke said, a sincere and hurried grin on his face as he headed out of the door.

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Lucas had a fondness for reading. Or rather, being read to.

Rory had taken him all over the town, stopping at the bookstore and allowing him to pick out a nice little book that Rory promised she'd read him. Well, one book led to two books which led to three. After six titles were purchased, Rory picked Lucas up and headed toward the gazebo. She sat him down on the bench and pulled one of the books from the bag. They'd gotten half-way through the fourth book when Lucas complained that he was hungry.

"Alright, let's go see Dad and ask him to make you something to eat," Rory replied, sliding the book back into the bag and taking hold of Lucas' hand.

For a three year old, Lucas was very strong. He nearly drug Rory across the town square to the diner he so expertly knew was his father's without reading the infamous William's Hardware over the top. The bell jingled as they entered, and Rory lost her grip on Lucas. He ran up to the counter excitedly, pulling fervently on the sleeve of a man he obviously knew and was happy to see.

Rory rolled her eyes and headed over. '_Yep_,' she thought to herself, '_just like mom_.'

"Hey buddy," the man greeted, turning, reaching down, and hoisting Lucas onto the counter in front of him, sliding his cup out of the way. "Where'd you go yesterday? I didn't have to take you home."

There was something familiar in that voice, but Rory didn't even think twice about it as she sat down a couple seats away from the two. However, Lucas' voice was so distinct it was so small, and there weren't many customers creating much chatter in the small diner.

"My sister came to get me," Lucas' voice carried that proud hitch, and Rory saw the little boy throw his finger out toward her with much conviction. Obviously, Lucas was proud to have her as a sister, which was strange considering he hadn't known her personally for the three years he'd been alive. He lived off of his mother's stories of Rory, and the occasional phone calls and presents she'd send in over the holidays.

Rory felt the stranger's gaze fall on her figure then, but she didn't look up. There was something penetrating about that gaze - a strange and familiar feeling she felt in her gut. But she wouldn't let that part of her win. She'd hold out a little longer… or at least she would have had Lucas not called to her attention.

"Hey Rory! Meet my friend," Lucas called anxiously, bouncing up and down on the counter.

Rory turned to face the two of them, her gaze locking onto the stranger and Lucas' apparent friend.

"This is Dean," Lucas informed her matter-of-factly, though he didn't really need to.

Rory would've known who that was just by looking at him. He had the same eyes he'd had the last time she'd seen him - eyes full of hurt, loss, regret, and - love? - the same eyes he always had when he looked at her, after he'd lost her that first time. The happiness that had once existed there had been extinguished the night he realized she didn't love him.

'But I did,' she insisted to herself. 'I loved him more than anything.'

'_What about Jess, though? And Logan?_' chirped that cruel voice. '_Did you love them_ _too? You can't love them all_…'

"Rory?"

She shook her head clear as Lucas' concerned eyes swam in front of her. He was leaning towards her, big, doe-like eyes pleading for her to say something. The prospect of him angering his older sister, of upsetting her in some way, due in part because of his friend, seemed a little overwhelming for a child his age. It wasn't supposed to upset her; it was supposed to make her happy that he had a friend.

However, before Rory had time to react, Luke stepped out from the kitchen.

"Hey buddy," he greeted his son, ruffling the kid's hair. Lucas smiled up at him, then turned back to Rory and Dean.

Dean forced a smile, and dropped a couple dollar bills onto the counter. "Thanks for lunch, Luke," he said to the older man as he stood and patted Lucas' leg, adding, "I'll see ya later, okay, Lucas?" He avoided Rory's gaze as he left, the bell above the door jingling once more.

Rory dropped a confused and defeated look to the counter. Why did it hurt so much?

Lucas looked up at Luke, questioning the exchange in his big blue eyes, but Luke didn't have an answer for him. He just ruffled the kid's hair again and offered him a cookie.

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**AN: Well, okay, I know this chapter was just fluff and stuff, and it was sorta Luke out of character (then again, you have to realize that he's had Lucas for three years to adjust to being a less awkward dad than he was with April), but my mind wouldn't let go of the whole breakfast scene and diner scene being a transition. Oh well -- meh heh. Also, to those of you who read EP, I'm working on getting another chapter out of my slightly cluttered mind, and I'm setting a deadline to post it before Thursday evening... so keep your fingers crossed, heh.**

**Read**&**Review**!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I only own Lucas... and if he wasn't such a cutie, I would seriously disown him...**

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**Chapter 3**

Lucas was still watched by Clara during the weekdays, even though Rory offered to watch him. He spent the mornings at Sookie and Jackson's house, playing with Davey and Martha, and spent the afternoons with Jacob, Brittany, Logan, Sky, and Mitchie - the kids Clara baby-sat. Rory was a little hurt, admittedly, that she was being denied the chance to watch her baby brother for her mom and Luke, but found it easier to concentrate on her novel. Besides, she still went in the afternoons to pick Lucas up, and she hung out with Clara a few extra minutes to talk.

She found out that Clara was majoring in Journalism, too, and was minoring in music. She and Rory had discussed getting her an internship or opening slot at The Big Apple News once she was finished with school. Now, Rory had colleagues and acquaintances, but the only true friends she'd had in the last five years was Paris Gellar, whom she last heard from four months ago, and Lane Kim, whom she last saw at her Yale Graduation Ceremony and last talked to several weeks ago when Hep Alien booked their fourth American tour. So, having Clara around was like a breath of fresh air for Rory.

Before Rory knew it, a week had passed by. It was Friday again. She had managed to busy herself with her book all week, and was looking forward to that night - Lorelai had decided to resurrect the traditional Gilmore Girl Movie Night. Lucas was excited, too, though everything that involved being around Rory excited that kid. He was a regular jumping jack and ping-pong ball rolled into one.

It was about 1:45 in the afternoon when there was a knock at the door. Rory frowned, not knowing who it could be. She'd already taken Sunday and Monday to greet everyone in the town, making sure to avoid that one person who seemed to be Lucas' best friend in all of Stars Hollow. She didn't know why, but it hurt to see him again.

"Yes?" she asked, pulling open the door and freezing to the spot.

There stood the person she'd been avoiding all week.

"Um, hi," Dean replied, shifting a shaking form in his arms. Closer inspection brought Rory to realize that Dean was clutching a crying Lucas against his chest, the 3-year-old's face hidden in the shoulder of his shirt.

"What happened?" Rory asked, ignoring any sign of discomfort she had felt and stepping aside to let Dean carry Lucas inside.

Out of habit, Dean took Lucas into the kitchen and sat the boy on the counter. He grabbed the wash cloth beside the sink and dabbed it in cold water from the tap.

"I have no idea how it happened, but he scraped up his knee," Dean explained, gently rolling the fabric of Lucas' pants up. He rubbed his one hand in Lucas' hair, offering the boy a sympathetic smile, before dabbing extra sensitively at the tattered skin around the little boy's knee. "He cried that he wanted to go home, and after Clara called Lorelai to confirm it, she asked if I could because she still has all those kids."

Rory, who had disappeared into the bathroom to retrieve a bandage and anti-septic spray, came back into the kitchen and handed Dean the stuff. "Oh, well, thanks for bringing him home," she said.

Dean was reading the back of the anti-septic spray, giving a small nod of his head. "Do you have any Neosporin or something? That might be better and less sting-ful."

Rory disappeared into the bathroom for a second time. She returned with a small tube of neosporin and handed it over to Dean. Dean, making sure his hands were clean, squeezed some onto his index finger and gently rubbed it over the scrape marks on Lucas' knee. The little boy whimpered and jerked away at the cold feeling.

"Shh, it's okay, buddy," Dean reassured him. "This'll make it feel better."

Lucas scrunched up his nose and shook his head, burying his tear-streaked face into the nearest shirt he could find… which happened to be the one Rory was wearing.

"I'm sorry," Dean apologized, though Rory wasn't sure whether it was to her or Lucas.

"It's okay," she offered anyway. She gently pulled Lucas away from her stomach where he clung to her shirt for dear life. She offered him a big smile and said, "Hey Lucas, guess what? If you let Dean put the bandage on you, I bet he'll take you to get ice cream."

Lucas' sobs quieted, and his eyes brightened a little. "Really?" he asked, looking towards Dean.

Dean nodded, not sure what else to do. "Sure," he replied.

Lucas considered it for a moment, then stuck out his leg and let Dean apply the plain white bandage. He stared at it for a minute, tilting his head to the side and frowning. "The ones Mommy uses have Spiderman on them," he said.

Rory abandoned them for a third trip into the bathroom, returning with two Spiderman band-aids her mother used for Lucas' cuts. She peeled the paper off the back of them and stuck them both across the top of white bandage.

"How's that?" she asked.

"Much better! Thank you, Rory," Lucas leaned over and wrapped his tiny arms around her neck in a hug. He pulled away and looked up at Dean. "Now do I get ice cream?" he asked.

Dean nodded.

"Can Rory come, too? She helped," Lucas said innocently, not aware of the incident in the diner last week when he'd introduced the two of them.

"Uh," Dean looked over to Rory, unable to make up some excuse for why not, and she offered him no help. He forced an unsure smile and nodded, "Sure, I guess. If you want."

Lucas' face lit up and he nodded swiftly, sticking his arms out for Dean to pick him up. Dean obliged and balanced the small boy on one hip.

Rory noticed how uncomfortable Dean had been both last week at the diner and just now. It seemed that after so long, Dean didn't really want to be friends with her, though who could blame him. She and he hadn't exactly ended their relationship six years prior on sweet notes. It was a sad, dawning realization that they were both heading in separate directions in their lives. Dean was a small-town carpenter, his life revolving around Stars Hollow; Rory was a Yale graduate reporting news in the Big Apple. As life so obviously like to point out when it came to the two of them, different worlds shouldn't collide.

"Dean, I don't have to," Rory said with a shake of her head.

Dean looked up. It was the first time in six years that she said his name, and it still sounded sweet when she said it, like honey-suckle buds in the mid-summer sun. He watched her wave her hand dismissively and walk away, leaving a confused Lucas to stare at him. He sighed and followed her into the living room.

"No, it's alright. You can come," he said, pushing aside all inclinations he might have had of this invisible rift between the two of them. Why was it so hard from him to just accept her friendship? Why did it always have to come down to being about loving or hating each other? Couldn't they settle for that inbetween place?

Rory eyed him warily from the couch. "Are you sure?"

"Yep," Dean said with a nod, smirking, "Besides, I promised, remember?"

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**Dislcaimer #2: Eeep! I don't own Neosporin either... in fact I don't even think I spelled the product name right...**

**Author's Note: No idea why I wrote this. Honestly, I haven't update because I was originally going to go a whole other route with this, but I figured I can still go that route later in the story if I still want to. And I _KNOW_ this is just filler, but I felt like you guys deserved something... right?**

**Read&Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I really need a customized stamp that says "not mine" on it...**

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Chapter 4

They sat on the bench under the gazebo as they finished eating their ice cream. Lucas had already finished his and was throwing pieces of bread, which Dean had gotten for him from Luke's, to the birds.

"I want to do this again," Lucas giggled, running around chasing one of the birds.

Dean shook his head with a smile and replied, "Sure, I'll take you to the park sometime tomorrow."

Rory realized then, that Dean got on a whole lot better with her baby brother than she did. Of course, Lucas loved her - he loved everybody that paid him the littlest of attention - but he really was close friends with Dean. Rory couldn't help but wonder why, which is why she acted nonchalant when the thought slipped from her lips.

"How come you and Lucas are so close?"

Dean looked over at her, taken aback by her voice. He'd almost forgotten she was even there; she'd been quiet the whole time.

"He doesn't even seem that close with my mom."

Dean shrugged, "I don't know." Seeing the expression on Rory's face, and from years of knowing the woman, he knew that wasn't a satisfying enough answer for her. And if he didn't give her one, she'd drive herself crazy of inquiry, trying to find the exact answer herself. "I'm the Dragonfly's resident handy-man when Luke isn't available, and after doing that for a while, Lorelai seemed to think of me as her resident handy-man when Luke wasn't around. Then Clara started her whole baby-sitting gig, and Lorelai would - whether purposely or accidentally, I haven't figured out yet - she'd forget to pick Lucas up, and I'd have to take him home after I got back from work."

Rory nodded, her mind analyzing every word in great detail. Maybe too much.

"I guess I became like a big brother to him, I don't know," Dean shrugged again. "I do stuff with him; talk and hang out, treating him like a big kid."

Rory didn't reply. She was still lost in thought.

"Rory? Does that bother you?"

Rory looked up and shook her head. "No, I was just curious," she said.

"Because Lucas is like that with everybody…"

"No, he's closer to you. Or at least, he thinks more of you than he does anybody else. Believe me, I've been paying close attention to that little boy."

"Because you haven't been around a lot?"

Dean knew the moment it fell from his lips that it had been a mistake. But was it really his fault that Lorelai entrusted information such as Rory's three year absence from the quirky town, to him?

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry," Dean apologized. "It's just, Lorelai tends to ramble off big secrets she's excited about. Really, the entire town knew the day before you arrived that you were coming."

"And I didn't get a parade?" Rory laughed.

Dean laughed with her, relieved at the light-heartedness of the situation. "No, I guess not."

They were both caught up in laughs that they didn't notice Lucas standing before them, his head cocked to the side as it always was when he was inquiring something, staring up at them with an expression of mixed confusion and happiness.

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"Thank you for the ice cream," Rory said as Dean walked her and Lucas up to their door.

They had stayed in the town square until it started to get dark and Dean walked them both home, offering to be the good gentleman rather than just letting them go their way and he his.

"Yup, thank you," Lucas mimicked.

Dean smiled, "No problem."

He ruffled Lucas' hair, something Rory noticed only Luke and Dean were allowed to do - Kirk had tried it earlier that week and Lucas had stomped on his foot. Dean's gaze was caught by Rory's stare, and the two fell into an uncomfortable silence with Lucas in between them, hands clutching one of Rory's and one of Dean's.

Before anything could be said, the front door swung open to reveal Lorelai.

"There you are," she said in a breathy voice to Rory. "Oh hi, Dean," she said to Dean before turning back to her daughter. "Do you know how freaked I was to not find my hurt son wallowing on his race-car bed with a bag of cookies?"

"What?" Rory asked confused.

"I always give him cookies when he gets hurt," Lorelai replied.

"Ah, eating habits of the Gilmores," Dean noted.

"But he's a Danes, not a Gilmore," Lorelai pointed out.

Dean furrowed his brow. "I thought you gave him the hyphenated version like yours?"

Lorelai shook her head.

"We got ice cream, Mommy," Lucas replied giddily, pulling on the sleeve of Lorelai's shirt.

"Really?" Lorelai asked the small boy with an excited smile. It faded to one of adoration and she replied, "That's great, baby, but who's going to eat all that candy I picked up from the market tonight?"

"I will, I will!" Lucas declared, jumping up and down.

"He's too much like your mother," Dean whispered into Rory's ear while Lorelai's attention was beheld by Lucas.

"Aren't we all just a little bit?" she retorted.

"Mommy, can Dean watch Movie Night with us? Huh, huh, please, please?" Lucas begged, still pulling on Lorelai's shirt sleeve.

Lorelai looked up at Rory and Dean, searching their faces for answers, responses, or even clues on how to avoid answering Lucas' question without upsetting him. Both Rory and Dean looked a little taken aback at the audacity of the inquiry, and turned to each other, exchanging glances. Lorelai saw the uncomfortable silence between the two of them and frowned down at Lucas.

"I don't know, kiddo," she said with a sigh. "It's getting pretty late and I'm sure Dean has to go home."

Lucas looked like he was going to cry.

"No, it's alright with me," Dean rushed in, wanting to avoid hurting the boy's feelings. "I mean, if it's okay with you guys?"

"Fine with me," Rory replied, watching the light slowly drift back into her brother's eyes. Wow the kid was a puppet master.

"You sure?" Lorelai asked, eyeing her daughter and Dean one final time.

Rory nodded.

Lorelai shrugged and said, "Okay," gaining a "Yippee!" from Lucas, who dragged Dean and Rory into the house past Lorelai, having kept hold of both young adults hands. Lorelai shook her head with a smile, and shut the door behind herself.

"So, you two finally resurrected the classic Gilmore Movie Night?" Dean was saying as Lorelai entered the living room.

'_Hmm, civil conversation_,' Lorelai thought, '_Could be a good sign_.'

Being Rory's mother made Lorelai anything but dense and oblivious. She knew very well that Rory and Dean had ended their entire relationship on sore terms - their six year silence had proved that, though Rory had been silent to the entire town for six years also. But Lorelai had heard about their run-in last week, and she'd brought Dean up a couple times after the sour end of their relationship to realize that Rory wasn't so sure of herself when Dean was mentioned much less around. And the same went for Dean when Lorelai brought up Rory.

"Yep," Rory answered Dean back, plopping down on the floor. She turned to Lorelai, "Where's Luke?"

"Working late at the diner," Lorelai said. "Hey Lucas, why don't you help me get the popcorn ready, and then we'll put your pajama's on?" she motioned for the little boy to follow her into the kitchen, leaving both Rory and Dean unaware in the living room.

"Wanna see the cool band-da-dage that Dean and Rory gave me?" he asked, already pulling up his pant leg and thrusting his leg out to his mother.

"Ooh, that is cool," Lorelai commented, sticking the bag of popcorn into the microwave and hitting the necessary buttons to cook it. She led Lucas into his room, which used to be Rory's old room, and pulled out a set of blue pajamas with red sports cars from the second drawer of the dresser. Pulling the boy out of his shirt and pants, she couldn't help but study his behavior. He kept his eyes set on the door with a smile, trying and failing to see around the frame and into the living room where Rory and Dean remained.

He was almost as clever as she was at hiding things. Almost.

"Why'd you get upset when I said Dean had to go?" Lorelai asked the young boy.

"Because I wanted Dean to stay and watch the movie with us."

"Why, kiddo?"

"Because he's my friend."

Wow, this wasn't going anywhere. Lorelai pulled helped Lucas into his pajamas and knelt down in front of him, preventing him from running off to the living room to see whatever it was he wanted to see.

"Lucas," she stressed tiredly, "you never get upset when Dean leaves any other time. Why, when Rory's here, do you get upset?"

Lucas looked down at his feet and frowned.

"Lucas?"

"I want them to be friends."

Lorelai closed her eyes for a minute, her heart aching unlike ever before. It was both out of the kindness her 3-year-old son showed, and the heartbreak he would face at the outcome. She opened her eyes and chewed the inside of her cheek. "Lucas, why?" was all she could ask.

"Because they like each other."

"What makes you say that?"

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They got through watching one movie, and were half way through the second when Lucas yawned tiredly.

"Time for bed," Lorelai said, getting to her feet and brushing off her knees with a drastic groan. "Uh, I'm getting old."

"You don't look it," Rory said, doing the math in her head. She mouthed a 'wow', looking up, "You're 43."

"Thank you, Miss Obvious," Lorelai retorted with a glare, reaching down and picking Lucas up.

Lucas let out a whine of protest but was cut off by another yawn.

Rory watched them leave, and turned back to face Dean. He was standing, gathering his things.

"I should go," he said seeing Rory's questioning look.

"You never finished watching the movie though."

Dean shrugged, "I've seen it before, I know how it ends." He offered her a smile and walked towards the front door.

She heard it click open and click shut with his departure, staring at the floor in front of her the whole time. She looked up at the television screen in time to see a creepily clad Johnny Depp speaking in an unusually high voice to group of children. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Then, Dean's last words seemed to have extra special meaning. They'd watched the original movie on their first date, the date that would end up defining their relationship -- a relationship that didn't end very well.

Tears welled in Rory's eyes and, try as she might to hide them from Lorelai's returning figure, they fell down her cheeks in rivulets.

"Ror? What's wrong? Where's Dean?"

Rory shook her head and, standing to grab her coat and purse, left the house.

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**Author's Note: Don't you all just love the fact that I have no life and no friends to go away with on Memorial Day Weekend? Heh, lucky you! Hopefully there's still some people who'll review? Purdy puh-lease!**

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's... rights are owned by the CW Television Network...**

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Chapter 5

Rory didn't know where to go, she just needed to get out and start thinking. Her mind raced over every relationship she'd ever had, trying to find a reason why they never lasted, never filled her with the same sense of love that she first felt with that first person.

Jess was simply too unstable for Rory during those early years. He loved her, probably more than he'd be willing to admit, and probably more than anyone else ever had, but he was just too unreliable and inconsistent with himself much less with a possible relationship. Last she heard, he was a successful author with his own publishing company in Philadelphia.

There was Marty in college, which was short-lived. He wasn't one to stick up for himself when she'd met him, and in a way she pitied him in a sense of hopeless love… or so she thought. She saw him occasionally while finishing up schooling at Yale, passing him in the halls or seeing him across the quad, but she and he never spoke again.

Logan Huntzberger came into the picture next. Now, Rory really, truly, honestly thought she loved him like the world. They had even announced an engagement to their friends, but called it off long before their families found out. She fussed over Logan, ever since he'd landed himself in the hospital due to a sky-diving incident, and Logan felt suffocated. That and he argued that she was too much for him - she deserved better - and that she loved someone else, who held a piece of her heart she wouldn't offer to anyone else, not even him. He took over his father's office in Paris, eventually marrying a socialite blonde named Angelette Devereux.

Mack was after Logan, and he was more of a rebound-type date, than an actual boyfriend.

James was next, and it lasted a good four months till he dumped her, citing that she had no time for him. She had liked him, truly cared for him, but their time was spent apart, and she was usually too busy with an article to bother with him.

Rory stopped and found herself outside of Dean's house. Just her luck to end up there, though she bitterly realized why. She always compared every guy she ever dated to him. He had been her first, showing her how to love and stealing that piece of her heart - the one Logan could never reach. Sure, Dean was a little overly jealous and sensitive when it came to Rory hanging out and talking with another guy, but it was only because of how insecure he felt about their relationship. He tried his hardest to make it work the first time, but willingly let her go to Jess. Then he chased false desires and married Lindsay Lister, consequentially chasing true desires and sleeping with Rory.

That had been the mistake.

After they broke up and she found Logan, she convinced herself that Dean was simply that guy who was supposed to show her how to love and how to be loved. She and he were never meant to be. They came from different worlds with different dreams and different expectations. They were on different pages, traveling in different directions.

"Darn alliteration," Rory muttered, searching the driveway and street for Dean's truck. It was nowhere to be seen. Funny - how did she get to his house before he when she was walking and he was driving?

Taking a last look at the dark windows and empty driveway, also realizing Clara wasn't home, she continued her walk to the town square. Seeing the gazebo brought the day's earlier events to her mind, along with sadness. She hadn't enjoyed herself like she had that afternoon in a very long time, and half of her brain insisted it was because of Dean.

She took a seat on the bench and got lost in her thoughts until someone tapped her on her shoulder. She looked up.

"Coffee?" Luke offered, handing her a cup.

Rory smiled and graciously took it.

"Don't tell me you cancelled Movie Night because of me," Luke replied, taking a seat.

"No, we didn't, sorry," Rory grinned sheepishly and Luke rolled his eyes in response.

"It's fine, I know your mother."

"I just needed to get out and think about some stuff."

"Like a certain person?"

Rory glanced at him through the corner of her eye and frowned. "How did you - "

Luke put his hand up and said, "This entire town is watching the two of you."

"Why?"

"Because it's the first time the two of you have been together since breaking up," Luke said with a shrug. "And you know they all have nothing better to do than gossip."

"But I've come back over the years. I used to visit all the time," Rory pointed out, a little perturbed by Luke's news.

"Yes, but you've never stayed longer than a couple days… ever."

Rory sighed and took a long sip of her coffee. She mulled over things in her head before voicing the next question, "Have you seen him with anyone?"

Luke studied her face with a questioning look before he shook his head. "No, haven't seen him with anybody around here. He tells me he's usually busy with work and stuff."

"But why? Why not date and fall in love and get married?"

"He already did that."

Rory half sighed, half snorted and shook her head. "Not back then. Now," she said.

Luke stood and turned back to face her. "Maybe his heart belonged to somebody else," he suggested.

"Like who, me?" Rory asked incredulously. At Luke's nod, she shook her head again. "You saw how he reacted to me in the diner last week."

"Maybe he's afraid of getting close to you and you not feeling the same way again."

Rory cocked her head to the side and stared up at her step-father. She let out a snort of laughter and smiled, saying, "You've gotten good at the parenting thing, Luke."

It was Luke's turn to laugh and smile. "Yeah, well, I've known your mother for what? - fifteen or so years? So, I've gotten in some good practice with her."

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The stereo was blasting music as the truck sped down the highway. Dean wasn't sure where he was going; he just needed to drive, to let the music and road calm the storming waters in his head.

He'd stopped at the house and read Clara's note: '_Gone to visit Mom and Dad for the week. Take care, Clara_.' Of course, his parents didn't want anything to do with him. He was never invited to come visit or spend the holidays with them the way Clara was. They weren't exactly proud of the life decisions he'd made, and him offering Clara a place to stay in Stars Hollow, away from them in Chicago, had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

Not only that, but his mind was reeling from Rory's return to Stars Hollow. Why now, after all these years, was she coming back? He had just started to move on from that part of his life when she had pulled back into town… oh, who was he kidding? He had never moved on from that part of his life. His life - his heart and soul - were latched onto Rory Gilmore.

"God, I hate this!" he growled, slamming his fists against the steering wheel.

He wanted so badly to just escape it all. Escape all the hurt and pain she had cause him in the past. Escape all the problems she caused him with his family, with the town, with Lindsay. Escape the fact that he couldn't forget her or fall out of love with her. Escape the fact that she didn't love him back, not the same way. He just wanted to escape the mess he'd thrown himself into when he was sixteen years old. This mess he'd created surrounding Rory Gilmore.

On moment, he closed his eyes briefly, willing himself strength from the long day and the encounter with Rory.

The next moment, there was a flash of blinding light, several car horns, and the sound of metal scraping metal as his world fell apart at the very seams. He was vaguely aware of the cool night air, searing pain through his body, and a scream before his world went black.

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**Author's Note: Okay, wow, not entirely sure where I'm going with this chapter. I'm trying to get to this one point (haven't you all heard enough of points when it comes to me? lol) and I don't know how to get there without the end of this chapter happening. Meh heh. I know, completely random, but what can you do?**

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Nope, the package from the stamp shop didn't arrive today, so go read the other chapters...**

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**Chapter 6**

Luke and Rory arrived home in Luke's pick-up. There was a single lamp lit in the living room, everything else turned off signaling a sleeping Lorelai. Rory rolled her eyes, dropping her purse on the table with the phone, watching as Luke went to check on Lucas. He came back out a moment later and patted her on the arm.

"Goodnight," he mumbled, taking a couple strides to the stairs. His foot landed on the mini-landing and he turned back to Rory. "Dean's a good man now, Rory. Life hasn't treated him like it should have. If you do chase those thoughts in your head, make sure you're not going to be breaking hearts again. Not yours, not Dean's, and definitely not Lucas'. He cherishes both you and Dean."

He gave a rough nod and continued up the darkened stairs. Rory listened to the click of him opening and then shutting his door before she let herself fall exhaustedly on the couch, too comfy to shift the pillows and only bothered enough to pull the thin blanket on the opposite arm over her tiny figure. She sneezed suddenly, reminded of the saying that somebody's thinking of her. As she falls into a fit-full sleep, she wonders whether the sirens she hears and sees so clearly in her minds eye are just in her head or off on a distant road.

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"You're up early," Luke noted as he entered the kitchen the next morning. He began fumbling with the coffee pot, already knowing Lorelai couldn't have any, but doing it out of habit.

When Lorelai didn't say anything, just sat there in her sweat pants and pajama top staring into space, Luke stopped and turned to her. Normally Lorelai wasn't a very chatty person in the morning, and Luke was fine with that. Then again, Lorelai wasn't a morning person and usually didn't wake before 8:00 nowadays. But if she was up and awake, she usually talked, especially griping about not being able to have any coffee and Luke making it anyway to spite her.

"Lorelai?"

Lorelai shook her head clear and dropped her gaze to the table, scratching the side of her head absentmindedly. "Someone came to the door."

"Who?"

"Babette."

"Figures," Luke muttered, pulling the carton of eggs out of the refrigerator. "What'd she want so early? It's only 6:45."

"Apparently she'd thought I'd know where Clara is."

Luke frowned. "Dean's sister, Clara?"

"That's the one."

"And why would Babette need to know where Clara is?"

Lorelai sighed. "Well, Taylor Doose came knocking on Miss Patty's door this morning asking where Clara was. Miss Patty didn't know, for once -- shocker -- and she called Babette to see if she'd heard anything."

"Crazy town…"

"Tell me about it."

"Did they find Clara?"

"Nope."

"Explain to me why they need to find her."

"Well, the police woke Taylor up this morning, since he is the… whatever he is for this town. They thought he'd know how to reach Dean's family."

Luke, who was flipping pancakes over the stove, stopped and turned to Lorelai. She was playing her short answer detail game, where it took him at least an hour to pull one complete sentence out of her. "Lorelai, what in the world is going on? What's wrong with you?"

Lorelai bit her lip and said quietly, "Dean was in a car accident last night, and Clara's apparently out of town visiting her folks, so…" she trailed off.

Luke collapsed into the chair across from Lorelai. "Jeeze, is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Lorelai shrugged. Her eyes darted to Lucas' bedroom, and briefly down the hall towards the living room before she whispered, "Babette says it sounds really bad. He was side-swiped by another truck."

Suddenly, Luke realized why she was talking so low. "What are you going to tell the kids?"

"We can't tell Lucas. He'll be absolutely crushed knowing Dean's hurt, and as smart as he is, he wouldn't understand it all," Lorelai replied. "Besides, he won't let us alone until we take him to see Dean, and I don't think that would end up well."

"What about Rory?"

Lorelai hesitated. She'd been thinking on that all morning. How to tell Rory? Should she even be told? It's not like her and Dean were friends -- they hadn't spoken since Rory was in Yale. And after last night, with Rory running out of the door after Dean had left, so similar to their harsh goodbyes when the two dated, the answer would clearly seem to be no. Then again, just because of that effect, maybe she should tell Rory, since it was obvious Rory cared about him.

"I don't know," Lorelai muttered miserably, confused and lost.

Luke moved his chair closer and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head as she leaned in closer to him, needing to feel that haven he gave her. There was once when she thought she could leave this safe embrace and find it in another, but she'd been wrong, and she'd come back. Luke had welcomed her back with these open arms, refusing to ever let go of her again.

"I wish I could tell you what to do, but you know I'm a complete doof when it comes to understanding make-ups and break-ups."

Lorelai allowed a small smile as the phone started ringing. She pulled herself regretfully out of Luke's arms and kissed him on the lips, simple yet strong. "The pancakes are burning," she replied, getting up.

She heard him curse under his breath and shoot towards the stove as she picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lorelai, it's Clara."

The bit of warmth she'd had while in Luke's arms faded as she knew exactly why Clara was calling.

"Miss Patty called me about Dean."

"Clara, I'm so sorry. Is he going to be okay?"

There was the distinct sound of a strangled sob and sniffle before Clara replied, "I don't know. I'm sorta stuck in Chicago for a while and I can't head back to Hartford to make sure everything's going to be okay with him." Silence. "That's why I called, Lorelai. I was wondering if maybe Rory could check on him for me. I know she and he both have a sort of, troubled past together, but I trust her more than anyone there. No offense."

Lorelai offered a sad smile, although Clara couldn't see it. "Of course not." She eyed Rory waking on the couch. "Um, maybe you could talk to her and ask her? Here…" She covered the mouth piece and took the four steps over to the couch where Rory was just starting to sit up. She held out the phone and mouthed 'Clara.'

As Rory took the phone, Lorelai walked back into the kitchen. She felt bad, having basically thrust the news on her daughter without warning, even if it was Clara offering the news.

Moments later, Rory appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, eyes red and oddly fully awake.

"Mom?" she asked, a sad hitch in her throat. "Can you drive me to Hartford Memorial?"

Lorelai nodded. It was all she could do to keep from crying and embracing her daughter like she was five again and had scraped her knee. Gee, those had been the easier years -- when a kiss and hug could make the pain go away.

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**Author's Note: Okay, short chapter, I know. You don't know how many times I rewrote this chapter because I just didn't like how I transitioned the whole thing. Before I had it written too OOC for Rory and Lorelai, and I hope this rewriting turned out better than I had it before. That's why it took so long to post, so sorry. Uh, I actually have the whole hospital scene written down (it had been in the rough draft version of this chapter) but I haven't finished tweaking it so give me another day or two. Also, I know it's mostly Lorelai and Luke, but we can't forget about them now, can we?**

**Author's Note Note: I'm upping Lucas' age to 4 years. I dunno why, just in my mind 3-year-olds shouldn't have as broad a vocabulary as he tends to have (and that's my fault for being lazy and not wanting to type phonetically with his dialogue… since there's so much he says, lol). So he's 4 instead of 3, but that's the only thing that changes. Still 2011, still Rory/Dean tension, still a horrible car accident, still coffee-addicted Lorelai who can't have coffee because she's preggers. XD I have an indecision complex.**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I think I'm losing all originality saying I don't own 'em darn it...**

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Chapter 7

After scrambling to shower and dress, Lorelai and Rory were out the door and in the car within fifteen minutes. It was record time for the two Gilmore Girls, but they didn't find any joy out of the achievement. The half-hour drive to the hospital was made in silence. There were so many things Lorelai wanted to say to Rory, so many things she wanted to ask, but each time she turned to look at her daughter's distressed and almost dead expression staring out the front window, her words of comfort and unasked questions fell silent.

There was nothing she could say, and it was definitely not the time to interrogate the fragile soul. So Lorelai settled to driving. Getting to the hospital and making sure her daughter -- the one she hadn't seen in three years, the one who had stopped calling and visiting, the one who shut the world out and stopped feeling -- didn't break in half.

Pit-Pat-Pit-Pat-Pit. The heels struck the pavement hurriedly as they made their way across the parking garage and into the hospital.

Rory collapsed into a chair in the waiting area just inside the entrance, Lorelai heading off to find information on Dean and his room. Her brain itched, too many thoughts traveling through her head. She wasn't even sure she wanted to do this now. What would she possible say to him? Sorry, but your sister sent me in her place. From the scraps of detail Clara offered to divulge over the phone, it sounded like Dean really didn't have anybody in the world anymore. No wonder he was so good with Lucas. The little boy idolized Dean, loved him like no other person loved him.

"Don't get me wrong, Rory. I love Dean; he's my brother."

But Clara had made it clear that there was virtually nobody who cared about Dean's well-being. His own parents refused to acknowledge his existence anymore, and Rory felt a little guilty for that. '_If_ _I never would have ruined his marriage, they wouldn't hate him so much_.' But their resentment ran deeper than that apparently, down to things Clara refused to talk about when Rory came to pick Lucas up in the evenings and they had their catch-up talks with each other. But how was she going to walk into Dean's room and tell him nobody cared enough to make sure he was alright? How was she going to admit that she cares? She's always cared, some part of her, of what happens to him. Before Jess, before Logan, before now.

Lorelai's back before Rory can blink. She's rambling off fragments of the news on Dean's condition. Concussion, broken ribs, fractured femur. God, the mental imaging in Rory's mind didn't help any.

"He just got out of surgery for his leg," Lorelai explained. There was a brief pause as she let the news settle into Rory's brain, though she was almost positive that half of it had been discarded and only the big words like surgery, head trauma, and broken leg managed to store themselves in the hidden depths of her daughter's mind. Considering what the outcome of this whole event could have been, Dean's injuries didn't sound so bad. The doctor had said he'd be able to go home in a couple weeks.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to, Rory. I'm sure Clara'll understand."

"No, I have to do this. Not for her, for him… for me."

Lorelai nodded and squeezed Rory's shoulder in encouragement. "Do you want me to…?"

"Can you go get me a cup of coffee?" Rory asked, answering her mother's question as a no. No, I need to go alone. Just me, for now.

Lorelai nodded in understanding and left to find the cafeteria.

Rory sat for a moment longer before she got up and walked down the hall towards Dean's room. She hesitated just for a moment, steeling herself, before she pushed open the door and walked inside.

The room was quiet and dark, save for the desk light over the bed and the rhythmic beeps of the machines, though that was probably a good thing. The shades of the window were drawn close to keep the cool air from escaping into the humid day. Rory shivered as she eyed the sleeping form in the bed. The hospital bed.

Dean's features were relaxed, no sign of any discomfort or pain. His face was a little pallid in color, though that could be because he'd just come back from surgery. There were a couple shallow scratches across the left side of his face from the shattered glass of the car windows. His left leg, which was suspended in a harness, had bandaging running from his knee to his hip where the hospital blanket cut off further visibility. The other leg was completely hidden beneath the thin blankets, which came up to just under his arms, though both arms were laying atop the blanket. The left hand had several IV's running into it, dripping medicines into his system.

"Oh Dean," Rory murmured.

Her feet unconsciously carried her over to the chair placed beside his bed, and she slid into it with ease. There were so many things she wanted to say, whether he could hear her or not. But there was a distinct lump in her throat, and try as she might to move around it, it stuck in place. She settled to releasing a sigh, though it came out breathy and sob-y, and she wrapped her hand around his, fingers tracing carefully over the IV needles before rubbing the skin below his knuckles.

The water-works started then. She just started crying and couldn't stop. She was scared. Scared that this could have been so different. He could have died, and she would have lost him forever. Scared that she cared so much about him still, after they'd both thrown each other away to the wind. She was just scared that all of this was happening. But how could she ever explain it -- to him, to her mother, to herself?

So she cried some more, resting her head on the thin hospital blanket, warm tears trickling down onto their intertwined hands, ticking the skin as she mechanically rubbed her thumb over the knuckles. 'Move Dean. Talk to me, feel me. Anything, just anything to make this go away.' Her eyes were closed before she even stopped praying and wishing for things to be better soon.

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The door clicked closed and Rory's eyes slowly drifted open, blinking a few times to adjust to the dim light of the room. It took her a moment to realize where she was, that sinking sensation returning to her stomach. It hadn't been a nightmare… it was all too real. Her eyes caught the dark sky through the cracks of the blinds, and she picked her head, wondering how long she'd been out and why her mother hadn't woken her.

She caught the gaze of the olive green eyes staring at her from the inclined pillows of the bed. She swallowed nervously and offered a smile, though Dean didn't return one. He just stared, gazing her with a sort of steeled and indifferent look in his eyes.

"Hey," was all Rory could say, sifting through her head for awkward conversation. "How long have I…?"

"It's seven o'clock at night," Dean answered, eyes never leaving Rory. When it became obvious that Rory was still looking for something to talk about, he replied a little tightly, "I know Clara sent you. Lorelai told me."

Rory frowned. Sometimes her mother started trouble without realizing it.

"I came because I was worried about you, Dean."

"Sure," Dean snorted, ripping his eyes away from Rory's and settling on the city lights beyond the window glass.

Rory let out a disbelieved sigh. Why did he sound so offended that she was there? Sure, they weren't the closest of people, but at least she was there. That was more than she could say about Clara or his parents. What about those so-called friends he had - Kyle or whoever - where were they?

"I don't believe you," she muttered under her breath.

But Dean heard her. "I don't believe _you_," he said curtly, rolling his gaze back to her with a glare. "You run off with all those damn snobs and six years later you decide to come home. Why? We don't need you in Stars Hollow, Rory. It's not like we stopped our lives just because the town princess was gone… off to Yale, off to New York City. We've all done good without you around, especially Lorelai, Luke, and Lucas. Lucas doesn't even know you, just stories he's been told numerous times by the townspeople, and they usually leave out the abandonment part or the cheating part so they don't break his heart."

The words cut through Rory like a knife through butter. She knew it would be awkward, but not so snappish and cruel. How could Dean say those things to her? But instead of acting hurt, she lashed out in anger. "Well aren't you lively after such an accident? Guess the truck didn't break your holding-grudges-for-long-times bones," she retorted angrily.

"I didn't ask you to come here."

"No, but Clara did."

"Yeah, well I didn't ask her to send you. God, she's only using you to get a job in New York. Everything she's told you are lies. Yeah, she takes a class or two at the community college, but the rest of the time she's not babysitting she spends in New York with her boyfriend. She just needs a steady paying job so she can move down there," Dean snapped, turning his gaze back to the window.

Rory shook her head, holding back the threatening tears. When she finally found her voice, she said really quietly, "I'm sorry I left to live my life, Dean. I'm sorry I went to Yale and I'm sorry things didn't work out between us. Knowing now what I knew then… I wouldn't have left that town. It's my life, my home. The people there are my family." She sighed and grabbed her purse, batting her hand at the watery lines on her eyelids. "I'm sorry things never worked out for you and you didn't get the life you deserved. I'm sorry your parents and your sister are too busy and too far away to come see you." She stopped at the door to look back at him, though his gaze was still locked onto the window. "But you know what I regret the most? Never being able to stop loving you even after you've clearly moved on."

As the door shut behind her, Dean's eyes flashed over to the spot she'd been standing in. With angry, watery eyes he willed himself to call out to her. Make her come back, you idiot. Don't let her leave again. But the seconds ticked by and Rory was gone. Now, instead of her pushing him away, he was pushing her away. Maybe, somewhere deep inside, he really didn't want to escape Rory Gilmore because he knew he couldn't.

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**Author's Note: Okay, I really planned for this chapter to be a lot longer than the last, and if you look at it word wise, it is longer then the last by 600 or so words. But that's not really significant, huh? The whole angry thing at the end took me by surprise and I'm writing it. Heh, but it fit sorta. If you pay attention to the whole** _gasp!_** Dean angst at the end of chapter 5 I believe, than the anger fits at the end of this chapter. Well, I hope you liked.**

**Read&Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Really, nothing's changed since the last seven chapters. Believe me, you'd know if the CW gave me all the rights to these characters... Of course, Lucas is mine, though I believe he's the little kid in all of us, so I don't think I can lay sole claim on him.**

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**Chapter 8**

"I shouldn't have left her there," Lorelai muttered miserably, staring at the bathroom door in utter disappointment.

"Why did you?" Luke asked, sipping a cup of herbal tea. His gaze fell to Lucas', who was alternating looks among Luke, Lorelai, and the bathroom door. "Lucas, eat your dinner," he ordered in a light tone before returning his attention to Lorelai.

Lucas frowned and stuck out his tongue at his plate of food. The only thing left on the plate were carrots and spinach, the chicken nuggets Luke made for him earlier having already been scarfed down. No, now Lucas was more concerned at the upset look he'd seen on Rory's face before she disappeared into the bathroom. He'd heard clips of "sleep," "note," "visit," and "Dean" and the rest was whispered between his parents.

"Why is Rory so upset?" Lucas asked as Luke got him dressed in his pajamas later that night. "Mommy said she went and saw Dean."

Luke nodded, "They both went and saw Dean, kiddo."

"But why would Rory be sad then? She laughed and smiled with him the other day," Lucas pointed out to his father. "At the ga-thee-bo."

Luke wasn't sure how to address this. How to explain the complexity of love to a child? He settled for pulling the pajama bottoms up to Lucas' waist and lifting the kid onto the racecar bed.

"Daddy?" Lucas ventured quietly, watching his father toss his worn clothes into the hamper across the room by the door.

"Lucas, buddy, it's complicated," Luke sighed. He came back to Lucas and crouched down in front of him, offering a sympathetic smile. "I wish I could tell you and have you understand, but you wouldn't. Sometimes I don't even understand it."

Lucas let out an exaggerated sigh, one twice the size as him as he always seemed to do. "Can I go see Dean?" he asked suddenly. If anyone would be able to explain things to him, it'd be Dean. Dean could always tell him things that even Lorelai seemed to have trouble with.

"Sorry, kiddo, but Dean's a little sick right now, and he doesn't want you catching anything," Lorelai stated from the doorway. It was a fib, not even entirely a lie, but the little boy wouldn't so much as bat an eye about it.

Lucas frowned. "When'd he get sick?"

"Never you mind that," Lorelai said, walking in to help Lucas under the covers of his bed. "Right now it's bedtime for tired little boys."

"'M not tired," Lucas yawned. He snuggled closer to his pillow as Luke and Lorelai placed kisses atop his head and headed to the door of the room. Luke wrapped his arm around Lorelai as she flipped the lights off and left the door open only an inch.

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Lucas rarely ever woke up in the middle of the night. Only if he was having nightmares did he ever really leave his bed and run to his parents' room upstairs, darting in the door and ducking under the covers without Lorelai or Luke even stirring. Usually, Lucas slept through the entire night without a peep or without tossing or turning. That's why, when Lucas woke in the middle of the night, he fidgeted, contemplating what to do. He wasn't scared, and he wasn't tired. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't thirsty. Yet, something was bothering him.

He slid from his covers and padded to his bedroom door, peeking out in the dark kitchen. The foyer light was on, shedding a small amount of light into the kitchen and Lucas' bedroom. After making sure that Lorelai and Luke were indeed asleep, Lucas pulled his door open and padded out to the living room.

Rory was laying on the couch in the dark, and had Lucas not been as still and silent as he was, contemplating his next move, he would have never heard the strange sniffling sounds coming from his big sister. He was beginning to wonder whether Rory had caught Dean's cold or not from visiting him.

"Rory?" Lucas called out in a whisper, taking a step closer to the mass of blankets on the couch.

Obviously, the entire house was still and silent, because Rory heard the tiny whisper and jerked her head up and gazed over to the little boy in faded red car pajamas. She sniffled once more and sat up better, rubbing her eyes and patting the couch beside her. "Lucas, what are you doing awake?" she asked, looking at the clock above the TV and seeing the green digits reading 2:04 AM. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Lucas waddled over and climbed up next to Rory, shaking his head. "No, I just woke up and I don't know why."

"Maybe you're worried about something," Rory suggested, pulling the blanket currently wrapped around her around her little brother's shoulders.

"Like you and Dean?"

"Me and Dean?" Rory asked, a little confused and taken aback. "Why would you be worried about me and Dean?"

"I saw you crying when you came home from seeing him, and Mommy said he was sick."

Rory sighed, thinking about the days' events. If she could change them, boy would things have gone differently. She finally caught Lucas' steady gaze and shook her head. "You shouldn't worry about me, Lucas. And Dean'll be fine, so don't worry about him."

"He forgot to take me to the park," Lucas said while looking down at his feet. He felt ashamed for feeling so angry about it before, but Dean never broke a promise and always remembered him. "I was mad at him."

"That's okay, you didn't know," Rory replied with a hug and small smile.

They sat in the silence for a moment before Lucas turned his gaze back to Rory's. "Are you getting a cold too?"

"No, why?"

"Because your nose and eyes are all red and you were making those sniffle sounds that I make when I'm sick."

"I'm just upset, Lucas."

"Why?" When Lucas didn't get a reply from Rory right away, he tilted his head to the side and asked, "Because of Dean?" Again, silence answered his question, and he leaned against Rory, eyes drooping closed as sleep befell him. Through a strangled yawn he said, "Dean's the one that told me all about you. What you smell like and sound like and feel like. The stories came from Mommy, but the other stuff, the things I can remember, Dean told me."

Lucas was lost in sleep, and Rory had her arm wrapped around him, his tiny body curled against hers. She leaned back and kicked her legs back onto the couch, minding not to kick Lucas as he snuggled closer to the blankets. His last words echoed in her mind, and Rory felt like crying again.

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**--- A Week Later ---**

"Where'd you go?" Rory asked as Lorelai came in the door late one night. She knew full well where her mother had been, and she had fumed about it just until the point where she'd heard Lorelai's car pull up front, masking her true feelings by the time the door seemed to open.

"Well, I had to pick up something Lucas forgot a couple weeks ago when he stayed with at your grandparents' house. Seems the ice queen is still alive after the death of winter, and she refused to make the trip out here when I was already in Hartford."

"And what were you doing in Hartford?"

"What do you think?" Lorelai retorted, mirroring the condescending look her daughter was sending her. After dropping her purse on the table with the phone, she walked up to Rory sitting on the couch. "You can't do that, Rore," she stated. "You can't make me hate him just because you do."

"I don't hate him," Rory said flatly.

"Well you certainly don't like him."

"Like you would if he said half the things to you that he said to me," Rory snapped.

"Hun, I know it sounds wrong of me to defend him, but you gotta understand that he was a little shocked to have you there. Of all the people who've left him in the world, the one that he actually let go himself came back to him. He's just overwhelmed and a little upset the way things have turned out. You can't hold that against him."

Rory sighed. No, she couldn't hold that against him, could she? "So, what did Lucas have you bring him this time?" she asked rather tiredly. Lucas had been making all sorts of things in the past week for Lorelai to take to Dean. He'd made a bunch of pictures, a toy car with Luke's help, a card he had signed by the entire town, and a house made of popsicle sticks that Davey helped him with.

"Sookie helped him bake Rocky Road cookies this afternoon."

Rory smiled. Rocky Road cookies were Dean's favorites. She used to steal them from the Independent Inn's kitchen and take them to Dean whenever Sookie made them. She personally hated them, but seeing the smile on Dean's face at how cleverly sneaky and loving she could be was reward enough.

"Don't over-think yourself to death," Lorelai said, noting the look on her daughter's face.

Rory sent her an unheated glare.

Lorelai snickered. "Janice Dickenson, ladies and gentlemen." As the pillow came sailing across the room, Lorelai ducked out and over to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

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On Sunday, Luke took Lucas fishing. After much debate where Lorelai whined incessantly that she wanted to learn how to fish, too, Luke abided and took her along. So Rory was alone in the house, with three different types of casseroles, a vegetarian lasagna, four different breads, and two desserts that Sookie had made in case Rory went hungry in the 24 hours Luke, Lorelai, and Lucas were gone.

Rory was busily scribbling away on a pad of notebook paper. She had abandoned her novel a week ago, and was beginning to concentrate on several articles she had due next week. Apparently, the Big Apple News doesn't stop printing just because its offices are being renovated.

Rory sighed.

Focusing solely on her work was how she avoided contemplating her problems. It wasn't necessarily a good thing, and it proved to distance her from her family and friends. Hell, she didn't even have friends anymore. Just acquaintances and associates that she rarely ever got together with unless an article or business meeting called for it. However, returning to this magical little town was supposed to fix all of that. All of her problems, whether they be with family, friends, or work, were supposed to be solved as soon as she felt the magic that Stars Hollow offered her. Yet, seemingly, it complicated things even worse.

Rory jumped slightly as the phone rang. She frowned and absentmindedly reached over and clicked the cordless on.

"Hello?"

"…"

"Hello?" Rory repeated frustratedly.

"Is Lorelai or Luke there?" came the deep voice rather hesitantly.

Rory recognized it immediately and sighed heavily. "No," she said a little flatly. "They took Lucas out fishing."

"Oh."

There was a long pause where Rory waited for another question or even a goodbye. Not receiving one, and too polite to just hang up, she asked, "What did you want from them, Dean?"

There was an audible sigh, "I was discharged from the hospital and need a ride home. I'd call a taxi, but I don't exactly have the money to spend on a half-hour cab fare."

Somebody up there was torturing Rory. First, thrusting Dean back into her life, then ripping him away, now thrusting him back again. It's like some unseen force was dangling happiness in front of her, just out of her reach.

"Will you accept a ride from me?"

Hesitant again, "Yeah, sure."

"I'll be there in a half-hour," Rory said. She clicked the phone off and dropped it onto the couch. Taking another deep sigh, she grabbed her purse and car keys and left.

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Dean was sitting in a wheelchair, much to his dislike, when Rory arrived in the waiting room. There was a nurse standing over him, refusing to let him abandon hospital protocol and hobble out the door. Rory couldn't help but snicker at the glower Dean sent the nurse, his eyes practically lighting up the minute he caught a glimpse of Rory.

"There you are!" he exclaimed exasperatedly.

"Sorry, a little bit of traffic," Rory offered up.

"You must be Mrs. Forester," the nurse replied, extending her hand to Rory.

Rory was about to correct her when Dean threw his hands up and complained about still being stuck in the deathtrap they called a hospital. The nurse sent him a reproachful look and turned toward Rory, handing her several papers explaining how many pain killers Dean could take for his leg and different physical therapy exercises he could practice at home. On the outside, Rory smiled and nodded her head in understanding, but on the inside she was shaking her head in objection. '_No, no, no. He's not my husband, he doesn't want to be. I'm not taking care of him. Don't tell me all this stuff. Where's Clara, shouldn't she be taking care of him? She lives with him_.'

"Clara's conveniently stuck in Chicago for another two weeks," Dean replied as soon as Rory had pulled onto the road towards Stars Hollow.

Rory remained silent. What could she possibly say to him? After everything he had last said to her?

Dean seemed to be able to read the thoughts off of her face, because he stopped talking for a while, thinking about how to fix the damage he'd done. Finally, as Rory was reaching down to turn on the stereo and kill the horrible silence, he settled for a whispered, "I'm sorry."

Rory's hand froze and she took her eyes briefly off the road to look at him. His complexion had gotten a bit more color in it, and the scratches on his face were barely visible. But what made her want to scream was the loss he held in his eyes. Loss, regret, remorse, loneliness. Something along those lines. What in the world did she do to cause that? Was it even her fault?

"I'm sorry, too," she replied, tearing her gaze back to the road and forgetting about the stereo.

Dean looked at her, really took in the sun-kissed skin outlining the freckles on her nose and cheeks. Not many people noticed her freckles, but Dean could count each one in his sleep. He supposed she had spent the summer on a beach somewhere, and the postcard she'd sent Lucas, who had showed it to him, proved it. She'd died her hair a shade of dark chestnut and it hung in loose ringlets around her face and down her shoulders. And her eyes were still the same blue pools he would find himself lost in during the dog days of long past summers. He'd fallen in love with this woman, so much so that he let her go so she could be happy, ignoring the pains in his own heart just as long as he saw her smile. But now, after he'd put it all behind him, after he managed to lock up old feelings and desires, she had returned. And once that dam broke and let loose how he felt for her, he was slightly frightened that he wouldn't be able to rebuild it once she left again. He rebuilt his life once before, but he doubted he could do it again.

Just, how could he explain that to her though?

"I lied," he spit out instead. Deal with the guilt and shame before you jump into the icy waters of their relationship again. "Clara wasn't using you. I was just upset about her going off to Chicago."

"Oh," Rory said with a nod. The understanding hitch in her voice wasn't there though.

"Rory, I mean it," Dean stressed. "Clara really does love you. She tells me over and over how much she wishes me and you got married when we were eighteen instead of me and Lindsay. Sometimes I wish the same thing."

Uh-oh, wrong thing to say. Did he really just blurt that out? Dean wanted to kicked himself as Rory whipped her face around to his and narrowed her eyes at him.

"What?"

But there was no explanation he could offer, and definitely no cover.

Rory threw her gaze back to the road and hit her hands against the steering wheel. "I don't get you, Dean Forester!" she snapped. "First you act all cold shoulder to me, only being considerate because of my little brother. Then, when you're in a car accident -- a car accident, Dean! -- I come to make sure you're all right and you don't believe me! I tell you I care and I love you and I'll never stop caring and I'll never stop loving you, and you basically just sit there with a look that tells me that you don't care, you moved on! Please tell me that this is just a twisted little game of yours and then leave me out of it!"

Dean sighed. Wait to go, genius.

"Rory," he stumbled on his words again, watching the anger and irritation on her face fade to confusion and distress. "I can't explain it, I just…"

"Just what?"

Dean shook his head with a little frustration, his defense mechanism switching on. "It's doesn't feel too great being strung along, does it?" he smirked, immediately regretting it again.

"Nice, Dean, real mature," Rory retorted. "You know, that was a long time ago. I was a kid and I didn't know anything…"

"Did you know that you loved me?" Dean asked suddenly.

There was a pause before, "I thought I did."

Dean scoffed, "Yeah, well I knew. And I thought you said you knew, too."

"What? If you know you love me, then why in the hell are you making this so hard?"

There was just a brief pause before, "Because it's as screwed up as this in my own head." Dean let out a soft chuckle, glancing over at her through the corners of his eyes.

Rory didn't know whether to yell or laugh at the sudden statement. She was confused as anything, and who honestly wouldn't be by that conversation? She settled for a lopsided grin and flexed her fingers on the steering wheel. Her head was throbbing and she desperately needed an advil or something. It was going to be a long ride if the two of them kept that up.

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Disclaimer numero dos: I don't own advil, so don't sue. You won't get anything but gum wrappers and a shiny mechanical pencil...

**Author's Note: Alright, sorry, sorry, sorry for being away so long and making you guys wait so long! Grr, I had a severe case of Writer's Block and couldn't really be bothered to write anything. That being the case, I know this chapter wasn't up to par, and I know parts of it were completely random and stupid -- but that's what I get trying to force my Writer's Block away, huh? Still, I strived to make this chapter twice as long as all the others since I'm not entirely sure when this stupid Writer's Block will go away. So, I hope you enjoyed it... somewhat... and tell me what you thought!**

**Read&Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Um... yeah, everything belongs to the CW and AS-P,... except Lucas :P ...**

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**Chapter 9**

Rory pulled into Dean's driveway. She watched him struggle to get out of the car, nearly falling as he tried to reach into the backseat and grab his crutches. She sighed, jumping out of the car and rushing to the other side to steady him.

"You're going to break your neck," she muttered. As he held onto the top of the car, she opened the backseat door and pulled the crutches out.

"Thanks," he mumbled, limping up the walk to the front door.

Rory followed, fretting over him falling the minute she turned her back. He reached up above the door, on the ledge where he kept a spare key. Rory held her hands at either side of him to be careful, never fully touching his arm or side. He stuck the key in the door and turned the knob after the resounding soft click, turning to grin back at her sheepishly.

He hobbled into the house, eyeing the stairs warily. How was he going to get to his bedroom for some R&R?

Rory stayed by the door as Dean disappeared into the kitchen. There was a loud bang, and she hurried back to see if he had fallen.

"I'm not clumsy," Dean responded, grinning at her, his hand laying flat on the kitchen counter.

Rory seriously wanted to glare at him, trying to scare her to death like that, but she pursed her lips to keep the grin from escaping.

"Hit that, would you?" He asked, pointing to the answering machine.

Rory nodded, pushing the black button as the first recording came on.

"Hey Dean, it's me," Clara's voice echoed in the silence. "I hope you're doing better by the time you get this. Um, it looks like I'm stuck for awhile. I'm stuck watching Wade and Carly's little girl since they're still on their anniversary. I'm sorry. I was hoping to be back to help you out around the house. I'll try calling in a couple days to check up on you."

There was a beep and silence. Then, "She should've just called the hospital in the first place," Dean muttered, rubbing his head.

Rory looked up. "What?"

"She called me at the hospital just two minutes after she left that."

"Oh." Rory looked around, noting how clean the kitchen was. Well, actually, she was looking for something to focus on as her mind kept drifting to her and Dean's conversation from the car. His mood had shifted back and forth, and then he had blurted out that he loved her? Where did that come from?

"I'm sorry. They gave me some medicine before you came and got me," Dean replied suddenly, as though he read her mind. He patted his thigh very lightly. "It makes me a little drowsy and loopy."

"I never would've guessed."

Dean shifted on his feet, leaning his good hip against the counter and loosening his grip on the crutch in his opposite hand. Rory noted that the second crutch was lying on the floor in front of him. He was still rubbing his eyes, letting out a yawn.

"Are you tired?"

Dean dropped his hand and gazed over at her. Slowly and hesitantly, he nodded.

"Let's get you to bed, then," Rory also gave a nod, moving to grasp his right arm and help hold him up. She was becoming business, letting personal issues aside. Dean had been a friend, a lover once, but first and foremost he was in need of assistance. All the formalities could be discussed and dwelled upon once they'd both gotten a good night's sleep.

Somehow, and Rory's not even sure how, they managed to climb the stairs and get Dean into comfortable sweats and a tee and into bed. He had complained at first about her dressing him, and she had blushed as she tried not to stare at him sitting on the bed in only his boxers, but then they both got over it and she helped him pull the sweats up.

He laid back against his headboard, watching her through half-lidded eyes as she set two pills and a glass of water on the bedside table beside him. She then went about picking up his clothes and throwing them out in the hall, because he obviously wasn't going to be able to climb up and down the stairs doing laundry. Finally she stopped at the foot of his bed, her hands on her hips, looking around for something, fishing for something to say.

"Rory," Dean suddenly started.

Rory took note of how groggy he was from the medication he was taking, and steeled herself for what could possibly come out of his lips. "Hmm?"

"What are you doing here?"

It brought back all sorts of horrible memories for Rory, and she felt like weeping remembering that night, so long ago, when Dean had said he didn't belong with her anymore.

_"Rory. What am I doing here?"  
"You're picking me up."  
" I don't belong here anymore,… do I?"_

She had been stupid that night. She never gave him an answer; let him drive out of her life for the third time when there should have never been even a first. He had always been that perfect guy for her. Why hadn't she seen it? Everyone else had. Her heart ached.

But she couldn't let him go again. He still made her laugh and smile unlike any other guy. He still held that part of her heart most desired by men, but never offered. Of all the things Rory Gilmore had set her life out to have and need, never did she imagine she'd need to add Dean to that list.

"I'm loving you," she whispered with a smile, and watched a lazy smile creep across his face before his eyes closed to sleep.

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The next six hours were spent making pros and cons lists on Dean. Well, not Dean the person, but Dean the concept -- the relationship he and she had. Granted, Rory could spend weeks making the lists, but she had the feeling one would still far out-weigh the other no matter how much time she spent on it.

She was utterly confused on her feelings for Dean. She loved him -- always had, always would -- but there was this strange underlying mistrust between them. Or rather, she assumed there was after their awful last goodbye. Part of her felt like she had betrayed him and he could never trust her again because, all things considered, she wouldn't trust herself if she'd been in his shoes. On top of it all, Dean seemed to hate her, or to distance himself as far from her as possible, and there had once been a time when the two could've been friends without all the complicated relationship stuff thrown in the way. She sometimes wished they could go back to that time, when there wasn't any awkwardness between the two of them.

The next minute she'd be angry with him. He was too pushy and over-jealous. If she even looked at a passing guy on the street Dean would get angry. But was that really his fault? She never did offer him good reason not to. First she ran off to Jess, then Logan. Just thinking about it made her hate herself, and she regretted it all. She would have done things so differently in the past. If only she'd known then what she knew now.

It was 9:00 already, the sky dark outside. Rory stacked all of her papers nicely into a pile on the kitchen table. A battle of debates was going on in her head as she ascended the stairs to check on Dean. Should she leave and come back early tomorrow to check on him? His spare key was still sitting on the kitchen counter. Or should she stay the night, sleeping on the couch, believing something bad would happen the several sleeping hours she was gone? It wasn't like Dean would be awake enough to climb out of bed or fall down the stairs.

She drew the curtains closed in his room, looking around at the work she'd done. She smirked in spite of herself. She'd cleaned up all the dirty clothes on the floor, washed them, and stacked them in two piles on the top of Dean's old dresser. She had actually done the typical housewife routine -- or half of it at least -- for a man she was continuously fighting over internally.

Rory glanced at the bed with the sleeping form. There was this magical essence in watching Dean's chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. It was just… relaxing to some strange extent, and Rory finally understood why people -- mothers with their children, husbands with their wives -- sat back to take in the scene of a sleeping form before them. It was just so extraordinary to watch a person you love in the most peaceful state of mind as they'll ever be in. Ever.

She decided she'd stay the night and sleep on the couch.

The blankets were already kicked halfway down his long body, and Rory wondered how he'd managed to do that with a broken leg. She fixed them and pulled them up to his chest. For a moment she was daring, and placed a feather light kiss to his forehead, holding her breath to see if he'd stir. He remained peacefully asleep and she smiled. She switched the bedside lamp off and made to move away from the bed when Dean's hand shot out to wrap around her wrists.

She placed her free hand to her heart, taking a deep breath. She thought he'd been asleep, so his sudden brash movement scared the hee-bee jee-bees out of her.

"Don't leave," Dean whimpered, though Rory decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and call it a mumble. Looking closely, his eyes were squeezed shut tightly, his head half buried into the pillow. "Stay with me," he begged, and Rory could then make out the slightest glint of moss green specks underneath half closed eyes.

Rory's throat closed up, and she didn't know what to think. It seemed like everything was going either too fast or too slow. Finally, due to the pleading look in his half-lidded eyes, she nodded and moved around to the other side of the bed. With all her day clothes still on, she pulled the covers back and climbed in, immediately feeling the heat of Dean's body next to hers. His head was turned toward her, studying her in a questioning type of expression. She sighed awkwardly and moved closer, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder, snuggling closer to her in a way that made Rory think he figured she wouldn't be there if he didn't hold onto her tight.

She allowed the comfort to overtake her, and brushed her fingers through his hair idly, waiting for his breathing to deepen as he fell back asleep. It took a couple minutes before it leveled out, and she felt the strain in his body fall away. And all she could do was wish it could be like that forever. Safe in each other's arms, letting the world pass them by, as long as they were together. And she kissed his forehead again, and hugged him just a little bit closer.

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**Author's Note: First off, let me apologize for this being so late and not as long as I wanted. I was away for the week (with no computer, how torturous) babysitting my neice. I actually had this done before I left, but stupid me, I forgot to post it. Sorry. And I am on the fence with this chapter too... not too sure whether I like it or hate it, and hopefully you guys will be able to tell me what you think.**

**Read&Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: If I owned 'em, you wouldn't have had to wait this long for this chapter…**

**Author's Note: Omg, she's alive! Well yeah, not really, kinda, sorta. I've been floating around doing things, stuggling to squeeze the next chapter of TIA out of this cluttered head of mine. I've been betaing some stuff both for this site and another, and I've been reading some awesome stories (which I shouldn't because then I feel like mine is a piece of poo and I want to scrap the whole thing and write something better). So yeah, I really don't have an excuse to why I haven't updated… and there's no excuse for this lame, short, little chapter that I just figured I'd post since it was laying around collecting dust on my hard-drive. So… I'ma force myself to write the next chappie and hopefully I'll get it up in the next couple days. Again, sorry about the shortness and the absence, and you guys totally rock for sticking with me for this long (I hope)!**

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Chapter 10

It was early morning when Rory woke up. She shifted ever so slightly and realized she was still in her clothes from yesterday, still hugging Dean close to her. All the sleep in her eyes seemed to evaporate and she jerked away, wondering just how she got there before remembering the details of yesterday. She sighed. Was her life ever going to lose its complexity?

She climbed out of bed and yawned, stretching, looking back over at Dean's peaceful face asleep still. She padded out of the room and downstairs to the kitchen where her cell phone lay glowing red on the top of the kitchen table. She frowned and flipped it open, seeing twelve missed calls all from her mother's cell phone. She flipped the phone shut again and dropped it back on the table with the two stacks of pros and cons lists she'd made. Rory felt a little indifferent. Let Lorelai worry some more.

Rory busied herself around the kitchen, cleaning and cooking. She thanked the lucky stars that she had taken those cooking classes during her hiatus from college back in the day, otherwise she wouldn't be able to cook toast. She found a nice little bed tray and set up two plates stacked with pancakes and eggs and bacon and some strawberries and blackberries. She placed a glass of orange juice and a mug of coffee on the tray with some forks, knives, and napkins, and carefully carried the tray upstairs to Dean's room.

Dean was wide awake when Rory stepped into his room.

"Well, good morning sleepyhead," Rory greeted with a smile.

Dean looked over at her, trying best to hide his panicked look with a small smile.

"What's wrong?" Rory asked, setting the tray of food down on the bed and sitting on the side she had woken up on.

"Um," Dean frowned, "I thought you left."

Rory read the statement completely wrong. "Oh, did you want me to leave?" She was already shifting to get off the bed.

"No!" Dean reached over and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back towards him. "No," he said more gently and let go of her wrist, staring for a moment longer where his skin had touched hers. He sighed with a tired grin and looked up into her face. "I want you to stay. I just woke up and saw you weren't here, so I thought…"

"You asked me to stay," Rory said quietly.

"Yeah, but you never do what I ask, 'specially when I'm near comatose," Dean joked.

Rory lost the humor in the translation and shifted uncomfortably. The thoughts worrying her head the first day she went and saw him in the hospital after the accident were straying back into her head. She could've lost him. He could've died that night in that accident. And she would've never had another chance with him. He would never know how she really truly felt about him.

"You over-think too much," Dean smirked, seeing the tell-tale lost-in-thought expression on Rory's face. Then on a serious note, "I'm still here, Rory. Still kicking and breathing… well maybe not the kicking part, but that'll be back before I know it."

"It's not funny," Rory stated.

"C'mon…"

"You could've died, Dean," Rory snapped suddenly. "You could've died and then where would we be? I'd be at your funeral, for Godsakes, and then we wouldn't be here like this, just the two of us… confused as anything about these stupid emotions and thoughts whirling around our heads, not even capable of admitting to one another that we still care about each other and believing that its okay to care and… and…"

"Rory," Dean said quietly, cutting her off. She finally stopped ranting and looked down at him. "Rory, I love you."

It sounded so perfect on the still air that Rory just assumed that it was his way of making a joke and lightening the mood. "Funny," she muttered.

She moved to grab one of the forks when Dean's hands reached out to her and pulled her face down to his, their lips crashing together. And Rory found herself lost in that kiss. It was her first kiss all over again. It tasted like all the good things in the world -- coffee, honey, cinnamon, apples, salt on a seabreeze -- and it felt like all the wonderful things in the world -- that first step into the ocean, the butterflies in the stomach before a show, whisper-like dew clinging to your feet in the early summer mornings. It was deep and passionate, yet simple and soft. It was perfect.

"I love you," Dean repeated as they parted.

"I love you, too," Rory whispered, her face still close to his, where she could feel each puff of warm breath against her cheek. She smiled and sat up fully, helping prop Dean up against the headboard with a couple pillows.

Dean's eyes darted around the spread on the tray and he smiled warmly at her. "You made me breakfast?"

"Yeah," Rory said. "And it's edible."

"How come there's only one cup of coffee?"

"Because it's mine and you don't get any coffee, mister," Rory stated with a nod. Then, "I wasn't sure if you were allowed coffee or if it was even good for you while you are still recuperating."

"Rory, I'm not--"

Rory held up her hand to stop him. "I know, don't say it." She sighed and picked up her mug of coffee, bringing it over to him. "If you're good, I might just let you have a sip," she joked as she let him have a sip.

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	11. Deleted Scene

_For an update on what's happening with this, please check the top of my userinfo page._

**DELETED SCENE**

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"Rory, Rory, Rory!"

"Lucas, slow down!" Lorelai called as she climbed out of the truck and followed the 4-year-old toward the front door. Luke was behind her, grabbing the fishing gear from the back of the pick-up.

Lucas tried turning the handle on the front door, expecting it to be unlocked since Rory was supposed to be there, but the door didn't budge. He whipped around, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "But Mommy, I wanna show Rory my fishy!" He thrust the net with the fish he'd caught (a little thing about five or so inches long) out to Lorelai as she made her way up onto the porch. "Rory's not here," he added as he watched Lorelai stick the key in the lock and push open the door.

"I know," Lorelai replied as Lucas zoomed passed her towards his room.

"I'm gonna head over to the diner to see how Ceaser's doing," Luke replied. He set the fishing poles and bait box on the porch and leaned over to give Lorelai a kiss on the cheek. "I'm sure Rory's fine, just busy."

"Then why won't she answer my calls? She always answers my calls."

"She's fine," he repeated as he climbed in his truck and headed down to the diner.

Lorelai watched him go before entering the house and closing the door behind her. She checked messages and noticed there weren't any. Rory's stuff was still laying around the living room. She headed into the kitchen and eyed Lucas with the fish in his room. "Lucas, get that slimy thing out of there!" she called and he came running out with the fish still in the net.

"I wanna show Dean my fishy!"

"How about we take a picture and you show him that?" Lucas nodded and Lorelai grabbed the digital camera. She snapped a quick photo of Lucas holding the net with the fish and then grabbed her purse. "Alright, let's go."

Lucas ran out the door and Lorelai pulled it shut. She saw Babette sitting with Morry outside on the lawn and called over. ⌠Hey there, Babette, Morry!"

"Hey there, sugar! How was the fishin' trip?"

Lorelai shrugged with a grin. "Luke wouldn't let me steer the boat, but Lucas caught a fish on his own and he's very excited."

Babette looked over to Lucas who was grinning from ear to ear and jumping up and down at the side of the car. "That's great news!"

"Yeah, he wants to show Dean the picture of him and the fish, so we're going up to the hospital to see him. If you see Rory, can you let her know?"

"Didn't you hear? Oh, well, of course not, you've been away fishin'." Babette rolled her eyes and waved her hand dismissively through the air. "Dean came home just yesterday. Sherle says she saw Rory dropping him off at his house, going in, and never coming out. What'd you think? Beautiful babies, I always said."

Lorelai could nearly feel her eyes bug out and she waved a hurried goodbye to Babette before helping Lucas into the car and climbing in the other side.

"I'nt the hospital the other way?" Lucas asked as Lorelai pulled up in front of Dean's house five minutes later.

"Yes, but Dean's home now."

She took Lucas' hand as they walked up the drive to the front door. Rory's car was indeed parked in the driveway off to their right. Lorelai knocked twice on the door and rang the doorbell, Lucas bouncing steadily on his feet. Jeeze, that kid never sat still. No doubt he was a Gilmore.

"Rory!"

And Lucas was wrapping his arms around Rory after she'd pulled open the door. Her hair was wet, so she'd obviously taken a shower, and the shirt she was wearing was clearly not hers and must have belonged to Dean. Lorelai eyed her with a questioning brow.

"My, my, my."

"C'mon in and we'll talk," Rory said with a sigh, allowing Lorelai entrance and shutting the door behind her.

"Rory, I caught a fishy!" Lucas replied with excitement.

"That's great."

"Where's Dean? I wanna show him the pictures," Lucas was already trying to snatch the digital camera out of Lorelai's grasp.

"Upstairs, but be careful," Rory said, and Lucas bounded up the stairs.

"Let's talk over coffee," Lorelai replied, heading into the kitchen with Rory following closely.

"Mom, he called and said he needed a ride."

"And what's all this?" Lorelai motioned to the stacks of pros and cons lists on the table, along with the spotless counters and sinks. "You just felt like staying? Cleaning? Wearing his clothes?"

"I didn't bring my own set, and it's just his shirt," Rory defended. "And the cleaning was only the laundry. The kitchen was pretty much spotless when we arrived."

"Rory, you're playing house with a boy you dismissed years ago. Or do you not remember all the heartache the two of you caused each other all those times? Because I can clearly remember the pieces of broken heart I had to glue back together for my daughter."

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it? What are you doing here, Rory?"

"I don't know!" Rory scrubbed at her face and collapsed into one of the chairs. "I just... I tried to hate him, Mom. I really did. But every time I come back to why he's perfect for me."

"Rory, there are millions of guys in this world that are perfect for you. Dean's time is done and over. You made it done and over when you chose someone else. Don't do this to him, don't pull him in and give him the false hope that he finally has you forever only to get scared and rip it away with the next guy that comes along. Don't do that to him!"

"I don't mean to!"

"But you do, Rory. Every single time you do."

"Aren't you supposed to be my mother? Why defend him?"

"Because he's my friend, Rory. He's Lucas' friend. And I know you don't mean to, hon, but you do hurt him. And I wish to God that I could have been a better role model when it came to love, but I can't change any of that. I just don't want you to hurt him because you're afraid. And that's the truth, Ror. That's what upsets me."

Rory glanced up at her, tears coming down her face. "So what do I do? Ignore the feelings? Go back to New York and simply forget about him... forget about Stars Hollow and you, Luke, and Lucas? Is that it?"

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**Author's Note**: Originally, this was supposed to be the beginning of Chapter 11. It doesn't really fit with where the plot's going, so I scrapped it and labeled it as a deleted scene. 


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: All rights are owned by Amy Sherman-Palladino and the CW Television Network. I make no profit from this. I'm merely playing in their sandbox.**

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_**Recap**_: Rory returns home to Stars Hollow three years after not visiting. Things have definitely changed. Lorelai and Luke are married with a four year old son named Lucas, and Lucas seems to be very fond of a familiar tall, dark, and handsome ex-boyfriend of Rory's. Lucas invites Dean to spend Gilmore Movie Night with them which dredges up painful memories and Dean leaves in a hurry, ultimately resulting in crashing his truck and being hospitalized. With a broken leg the only major injury, Dean is released and must call Rory to pick him up. Rory spends the next week with Dean, both dancing around each other's feelings, until she must return to New York City.

**-- A week later --**

Rory really didn't want to leave. But Hurschmeyer was calling her back to report on the presidential debate and she needed to go.

Dean knew she was leaving. She'd stayed with him up until yesterday when Clara had gotten back home. They'd fallen into the old habit of things, although awkwardness did ensue at certain times. Lucas, being the adorable, playable little kid that he was, easily rid the room of tension. Lorelai brought a different dish from either Sookie or Luke when she came to pick him up every night.

They didn't talk about her leaving, and the topic of visiting - him to New York; her back to Stars Hollow - was never mentioned. Silence settled early on Rory's final night and she decided to stay at Lorelai's.

"I'll call before I leave in the morning," she had promised as she kissed Dean's forehead. They both knew she wasn't going to. "Be careful, okay?"

He had nodded, lump stuck in his throat as Rory walked out of his life for a fourth time.

- - - - -

Rory was in New York for two weeks when the knock came at the door. She frowned and glanced at the rain pounding hard against the kitchen window as she made her way to the door. She wondered who would be out to see her in a terrible storm, having not many friends who ever came over. As she pulled open the door, she gasped at the sheepish looking man standing on the other side, clothes soaked through cold to the bone with rain.

"Dean?"

She hadn't talked to him since she'd left Stars Hollow. It made the transition out of each other's lives much easier to just cut the ties free with no frayed edges and slow drifting apart.

"Hey."

Rory pulled him into the apartment and shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged and a shiver wracked his wet form.

She sighed, studying him. "Let's get you dry first."

She led him to the spare room which she used as an office of sorts. She helped him onto the futon and then left to retrieve towels and anything she owned that might fight him. She returned with a robe and caught him still sitting there in his wet clothes.

"Dean?" she asked, noticing the blank look on his face. He was thinking about something.

"I don't know," he replied, looking up at her, blank look gone.

She sent him a confusing look. Huh?

"What I'm doing here," he explained. "I don't know what I'm doing here." He shrugged, watching her come closer to help remove his clothes. "I started walking… well, hobbling, really… and the next thing I knew, I was waiting for the 9 o'clock train to New York to pull in with a ticket in my hand."

Rory nodded as she tossed his button down and tee on the floor to wash with the laundry later. She set about pulling his jeans gently over the soaked cast on his leg.

"Rore?" Dean asked quietly. "What are we doing? What does it mean?"

"That your doctor's going to kill you for getting your cast wet."

Dean sighed and Rory stopped to look up at him.

"I don't know," she said, quite seriously. She stared into his moss green eyes, trying and failing to understand the confusion running through herself.

See, Rory spent the first sixteen years of her life planning for the future. Nobody and nothing came in the way; she could do what she wanted with her life without thinking of anybody else's plans. Well, except Lorelai's. But her mother's only real wishes were for her daughter to lead a good, happy, successful life, of whatever choosing. And that alone had kept Rory on this straight track without any detours.

But then Dean came along and all these forks in the path started appearing. As her boyfriend, his future needed to be taken into consideration, as well as Jess and Logan when the time came. She was never naïve enough to believe that she'd actually be with those boys forever. The track record for marrying your high school boyfriends was rare, if not, leading down a broken and beat path of hostility later on.

Their future's and plans and opinions on such mattered, though.

And Rory wasn't good at compromising. She'd spent her whole life as Lorelai's sole child, the angel of Stars Hollow, apple of her grandparents' eyes. She never really had to share, at least not her future. She knew she'd one day want a family, but the thought of settling had never crossed her mind.

Until now.

She'd thought hard about what had caused her relationships to derail. Especially her and Dean's. She had always felt safe and loved in his arms, never neglected. He paid her his full attention at all times, reading her and studying her form as though she was one of the books she got so enthralled in. His kindness and courtesy overrode his overbearing and overprotective nature, by a very long shot. He might not have had the energy or drive to do very well in book work, but he was not stupid. He was witty and fun, focused on the things he cared about. He was entirely misunderstood - always had been - which had attracted Rory to him in the first place.

So what went wrong? She had come to the conclusion long ago that they simply didn't belong together. Two different pages from different books. But with age came knowledge and she was slowly coming to understand what truly bothered her. Dean was so sweet and good to her, loved her, and she feared that. She feared the settling of a future, the weight of another's opinion on her life, a shared life and home. She was so desperately terrified of having something permanent in a life she was unsure she ever wanted in the first place.

She had never been willing to share the responsibility of a relationship with someone else. She'd come close to doing such with Logan, but than Yale was over and it was time for her to set out on a track she wasn't sure he fit on. But with Dean… she had taken and taken till there was nothing left. She had expected him to understand her articles and drive thirty minutes to see her for ten. She never thought about his work or his bills, only how he'd messed his life up by marrying a girl he didn't love who could care less if he went to college. And she was never willing to run off with Jess - take a chance - or to try and understand why he hated school so much, left so frequently.

Even though she could start to understand all this, she was terrified of acting on it, of beating it. So confusion welled up inside her till she felt ready to burst, and she had to tear her eyes away from Dean's.

"We'd better take you out of those clothes before you have pneumonia on top of a broken leg."

Dean nodded dumbly and lifted his hips enough for Rory to pull the pants all the way off. She handed him her robe, a soft black one smelling of cucumber and melon.

"I think that'll fit you. It's huge on me, so it should. At least until you get dry," Rory said, then picked up Dean's wet clothes and disappeared.

Dean sighed and tossed the robe over on the desk chair. He managed to pull himself up and get a towel around his waist before hobbling out of the room to find Rory. She was nowhere to be seen, so he took in the dimly lit living and dining area.

The apartment was kind of homey, with burgundy walls and wood flooring. The curtains that hung down the floor-to-ceiling length windows were gray with faint embroidered patterns. By the windows, there was an HDTV mounted to the wall in front of the sofa and two armchairs. Various shelves and bookcases against the walls and a round dinette served as the dining room table. Old pictures littered a few surfaces, with only a couple recent of Lucas. The sofa still felt stiff, and where there should've been a thin layer of dust from only being home a week, there was none. Pillows and blankets looked perfectly placed on the sofa and armchairs, and not a thing looked out of place.

"What are you doing?"

Dean whipped his head around, groaning when the snap could be heard.

"Ow," he moaned, reaching up with a free hand and rubbing at the back of it. He turned back to Rory, much more carefully now. "I was looking for you. That robe won't fit me, Rore."

"I don't have anything else to give you though."

"Just help me pull my boxers off and I'll be fine in this towel."

Rory hesitated, but nodded and helped pull the boxer-briefs down Dean's legs. He held onto her shoulders while she got the shorts over his cast and then off of his leg. She stood and disappeared around a corner that led to the closet with her washer and dryer and through Dean's boxer-briefs in with the rest of his clothes. She returned to the living room to find him standing, clutching the towel tightly to his waist, looking out the windows.

"Pretty view," he said, turning back to her.

"Yeah. Um… I don't think you should sleep on the futon with your leg like that, so you can have my bed and I'll just stay in the guest room, okay?"

Dean frowned. "We've been sharing a bed all week," he pointed out. Sighing, "But you can keep your bed. My leg's in plaster -- I doubt it'll know the difference between a futon and a mattress."

Now it was Rory's turn to frown. She watched as Dean started hobbling towards the guest room. She sighed. "Wait. No, you're right. It's silly if we can't share the same bed. Right?"

Dean studied her for a moment and then nodded. "Right." He followed her into her bedroom. It was rather plain, with beige walls and dull gold curtains. The windows were floor-to-ceiling in here as well. There was a big bed and a four-drawer dresser. A chair and two nightstands completed the room. "Nice," he murmured and noticed Rory blush.

"I'm not good at decorating. And I don't have the time to find the right stuff."

"Just doesn't seem like your style," Dean shrugged, sitting on the bed. He chewed on his lip and looked over at Rory. "But it's nice. Comfy and cozy. Dry," he joked.

Rory nodded and the awkward silence they'd managed to settle into the week before Rory left had returned.

"Rory, let's not do this, okay?" Dean said after a moment.

"Do what?"

"This," Dean said, waving his hands about. "Whatever this is, let's just not. Not tonight. I'm tired and not in the mood to brood or deal with your brooding. So just turn the brain off and come to bed."

Rory frowned again, but obliged. She walked around the bed and pulled the covers back, climbing in. Dean stood and pushed the covers down before he climbed in bed, too, making sure his towel was secure. He reached to turn off the light on his side of the bed, realizing Rory had already turned hers off. He turned onto his back and looked over at her, barely seeing the outline of her side, close to the edge. Dean sighed, wishing things weren't so complicated between them, and then closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

- - - - -

"Dean, don't. Don't marry her. I love you, Dean. Don't you love me?" Rory asked desperately, clutching at his hand, pulling him away from the chapel.

He wanted to say something, anything, but it wouldn't come out. He turned back to the chapel, watching him and Lindsay stepping out of the church, relatives cheering, and thought 'No that's not right. I'm here! I'm not marrying Lindsay!' When he turned back to Rory, she was standing in front of her grandparents' house, a group of guys behind her, tears in her eyes.

"Dean, don't. I love you, I really do. Always. Don't you?"

Again, he tried and failed to say the words '_I love you_.' He looked down, trying to compose himself and keep the tears from falling down his face. The scene was different once more when he looked up. Rory was climbing in her car in front of Lorelai's house.

"You never did love me, did you?" she asked quietly.

Again, nothing. Rory took it as an answer and slowly pulled away from Lorelai's. These scenes were really starting to affect Dean because he really didn't want to watch Rory walk out of his life countless times without being able to say something.

He kicked his feet in the dirt and turned around to see the front of the wedding chapel. He thought maybe he was going to have to watch him and Lindsay walked out of the thing again when the doors opened and a bride and groom came rushing out with friends and family behind them. Dean started walking toward them when he realized that the bride was Rory, in a silky white summer gown. He froze in his tracks and watched as she pulled away from the crowd and walked over to him.

"You have to let me go," she said.

"I can't," he said, not fully aware that his voice had returned.

"I need to be happy and so do you. I'm married now, with kids on the way and a caring husband. We need to stop playing these games. It would never work with us. You don't love me. And I don't love you."

Dean shook his head. "No, I do. I love you more than anything, Rory."

"Dean, you were a thing. Nothing more than that first boy who introduced me to dating. You were never meant to be more. I don't love you."

"Why? Why couldn't I ever be it for you?"

"Go home, Dean. Go home, and don't come back," Rory said as she turned and walked back to the wedding party.

Dean stood there, tears welled in his eyes, looking at the sky and praying that it was over. No more scenes, no more nightmares. A light sprinkle started and Dean sighed. He dropped his gaze only to watch the scene stay the same. Rory looked so happy without him and he let the tears fall, loss seeping in like the cold. "But I love you," he whispered, turning away.

God, it was cold. Why was it so cold? He turned back to the wedding only to notice it gone.

- - - - -

Dean opened his eyes to the faint light of the moon shining through the sliver of open curtains. He turned his head to the side where Rory had been when he'd fallen asleep. She wasn't there and he sighed deeply. That explained the lack of heat from her side of the bed. She had probably gone to sleep in the guest room. He closed his eyes, willing the dull ache in his leg to go away.

The door squeaked a moment later and Dean listened to Rory's footfalls on the wood floors. When she got close to him, he opened his eyes to look at her and she screamed, sloshing water down her front and nearly falling to the floor.

"Don't do that!"

"Are you alright?" Dean asked, sitting up.

"Yes," Rory said, taking a breath, "But don't do that! My mother would do that and scare the crap out of me!"

"Sorry." One beat, then, "I thought you might've gone to sleep in the guest room."

"Oh," Rory mumbled. Quietly, "Did you want me to?"

"No, I just… woke up and you were gone."

"You've got to quit doing that," Rory joked, although it fell flat. She cleared her throat and looked down at her soaking wet pajama top. "You were fidgeting in your sleep and I remembered that you don't have your painkillers, so I went to find aspirin and a glass of water. Which is now down my front."

"Sorry."

"Will you quit apologizing? Here," she held out the aspirin pills clutched in her hand, "take these and I'll go and get you a new glass of water."

Dean took the pills, swallowing them before Rory came back with a bottle instead of a glass this time. He opened the bottle and took a gulp, making sure the pills were down, then set the bottle on the nightstand.

Rory was climbing into bed already and Dean looked over at her. She was on the edge again as the lights went out. After a moment, he whispered, "Rory?"

Either she didn't hear him or she was ignoring, because she didn't even move. Dean rolled toward her, ignoring the ache in his leg, and gently shook her shoulder. She turned over to face him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Dean bit his lip before replying, "I don't want you to fall out of bed. I can sleep in the guest room if you're uncomfortable sleeping with me."

"It's not that." Rory blushed. "It's just… well… I'm afraid of hitting your leg or something. I don't wanna hurt you, Dean."

Relief flooded through Dean and he sent Rory a tender smile. "You're hurting me by sleeping so close to the edge. C'mere." He laid back on his back and held his arm out for her. She cuddled up to his side, being very mindful of his hurt leg. After a moment or so, the warmth comforted her enough to rid her of her tension and she melted against his side.

"This is nice," Rory said through the dark.

"Uh-huh."

They laid like that for a while until Rory broke the silence again. "I didn't call. I'm sorry."

"I knew you wouldn't call. And I'd be lying if I say I wanted you to."

"I wish we were sixteen again."

"I don't," Dean said with a snort.

Rory craned her head to look at him in the dark. "You don't?"

"No, I don't. Jess would still be a thorn in our side, wouldn't he?"

Rory suppressed a laugh and then swatted at Dean's chest. "He's like my… step brother or something."

"Ew, you dated your step brother!" Dean teased.

Rory swatted at him again.

"Okay, okay. Sorry."

"You know, I'm really sorry. For everything that ever happened between us."

Now it was Dean's turn to look at Rory. "What? Rory, it wasn't just you. I played a huge part in our relationship's troubles, too. I should've never married Lindsay."

"I shouldn't have slept with you. Or hurt you with Jess."

"Rory," he warned, knowing where she was going. "It's not--"

"--my fault. Yeah I get it. But I didn't have to be so scared. Uncertainty and fear aren't good combinations on me, if you didn't notice."

"Scared?" This was news to Dean. "What were you scared of?"

Rory shook her head and for a moment, Dean thought she'd tell him to forget about it; that she'd just clam up and refuse to explain herself. But she sniffled and the words that came out sounded unsure and broken. "This. I'm scared of this. I mean… I'm scared of what this means and what it'll make us. How we'll fit in each other's futures, or… how permanent this will be. I don't… I'm not used to settling down and taking another person's opinions on my life's goals into account. It just scares me how uncertain I am over it all."

"You mean how it's not a definitive, step-by-step plan of your life?"

Rory nodded.

"Rory… life has no definitive plan. Maybe school and work do, but life as a whole doesn't. And as for my opinions on your life's goals-- well, when have I ever not told you to reach as high as you want and if you can't, I'll hold you up higher? That's part of the reason I love you, because of the goals you have that I know you can reach. You have ambitions and that's a good thing, you know that." Dean paused, then, "As for this thing between us? Maybe it's best if we just take it slow. We don't have to be anything other than each other's company, okay?"

Rory nodded and held onto him tighter. With tears in her eyes, she whispered, "Okay."

Dean sighed and kissed the tope of her head.

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**Read&Review!**

**Author's Note**: I'm so sorry for the wait, folks. Seems I had more problems with my computer than I thought. I again want to thank any and all who are sticking with this, even if my brain's a little boggled and I'm slow with getting the chapters out. All of you are awesome, just so you know, I'll try to reply to all your reviews.


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